Learning Curve
Posted on | September 2, 2005 | 8 Comments
I am starting realize that the early baby months—when Bean has been a pre-crawling little bundle easily carried from place to place–gave DH and I a slightly warped sense of what it means to be a parent.
I mean, thus far we have managed to retain some of the grace and adult-only sensibilities that keep us on par with our non-baby friends. We have a white chair in our living room for example (what the hell were we thinking???) and CDs on the bottom shelves of the entertainment center. Sometimes we even have fresh flowers in a vase on the coffee table. Cats and magazines lie on the floor unsuspecting…
But most of all most of all, we still live with the illusion that we’re COOL like we were pre-Bean.
But this week we’re realizing with a great deal of trepidation that a shift is about to occur. We know that it’s only a matter of days really before we’re forced to become parents for real. Parents with safety plugs in the outlets, toys scattered across all horizontal surfaces and (possibly) a regular bedtime routine for Bean that includes more than a hand washing, and some lullabies (the boy ,manages to get himself DIRTY now. Not sure how. And he’s fighting sleep these days like nothing else!)
All this because Bean has gone and figured out how to INCHWORM his way across the floor. Not really crawling—more army cadet style belly dragging, but man it gets him where he wants to go. And he he’s working on going vertical. And sitting all by himself.
And this is fun of course. Thrilling even, to watch him drag his belly across the floor with determination. But also it fills us with a gaping feeling of worry we’re unaccustomed to.
This is what it means, isn’t it? To be a parent.
Bean has suddenly entered the frightening terrain of being able to get hurt—on his many adventures with gravity, he bangs his face into the floor, just after doing a gorgeous downward dog. Or slams his cheek hard into the wall after making a great bunny hop.
And when I sit down to think about it, it isn’t becoming UN-COOL that has me feeling edgy and unsettled, really—though I know our chair’s upholstery is totally doomed, and I’m well aware sippy cups and blocks are going to outnumber wine glasses and pretty pottery around our house from here on out…What really has me is the sudden stunning realization that I cannot control everything that happens to my baby boy.
Until now, my body was nearly his entire geography. Now, the world is. And my heart, it expands each day with love, with worry, and leaves me feeling breathless.
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8 Responses to “Learning Curve”
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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September 2nd, 2005 @ 11:46 pm
Third to last line–what poetry! (and my, what a cowlick’esque thing Bean’s sporting in that last photo, reminds me of Alfalfa).
When I was 14 or so I started getting scared—I realized that I was acting just like a mom. I wouldn’t go to sleep until my brother was safe at home. Everytime I heard the metallic crash of steel I had horrible visions it was him. I can’t imagine what it will feel like the day when something that existed inside of me is free to roam the world without me as sole protector. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and the beauty of seeing my heart exist outside my body.
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:05 am
What an adorable baby you have!
And, welcome to the insanity. I’d like to say things get better and go back to being calm and more predictable, but it hasn’t happened for us yet and my son is 6 and daughter is 16 months. Good luck and happy safety-locking!
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:54 am
Hey, our posts ARE similar … except yours is much more eloquent. It reminded me how I loved all the revelations that came with being a parent for the first time. But two kids now … eloquence be damned! I’m going nuts!
Bean is adorable. Strong genetic work, you two.
September 3rd, 2005 @ 1:13 am
Yeah, it’s terrifying at first. And nope, it doesn’t really let up. But when they start telling you about their world, it’s so worth it! I LOVE listening to Lily’s take on the world around her and the way she says things. “Beach town” becomes “bitch time” and she actually grasps the idea of hot vs. warm. It’s an amazing adventure and one that will last the rest of your life.
And DAMN that child is cute.
September 3rd, 2005 @ 4:11 am
I don’t think it ever stops being scary, this parenting-ride we’re on. But it’s also exhilarating and wild and exciting and wonderful, which helps
September 3rd, 2005 @ 8:47 am
It’s a crazy thing, this motherhood. For me, each age or stage has become a bit easier in some ways, but a bit more difficult in other ways. I never imagined that being a mother could cause so much stress, heartbreak, worry or fear. But the rewards make it all worth it. I’d say the best thing you have going for you is that you are keenly aware of the upcoming transitions, and while nothing can truly prepare one for the ups and downs of parenting, I think you’ll handle the changes just fine!
You have such an * a d o r a b l e * little one!!
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:24 pm
I totally had all of these thoughts about my own baby nearly a year ago- For months, she was perfectly happy to sit in the den and play with her toys. Then she had to go and start CRAWLING! And yes, everything changes and gets more dangerous. And yes, there are now toys (and anything else she can get her hands on) now littering the floor in every once-stylish room. But you know what? Every month is better than the one before. Because Bean’s personality will come out more strongly and you will know and love him even more and so all of this stuff ceases to matter… You’ll do great!!
September 3rd, 2005 @ 2:40 pm
Okay so its pretty silly for me to give you advice, since I am not a parent. But what I have heard is to get into a routene that your little Bean learns to pick up after himself. I guess I learned a lot from babysitting, and the parents that ingrained it from early on rules like that it made a huge diffence. He maybe be little but he understands. You will have him drinking from wine glasses in no time!
The little inchworm is a joyful cutie.