Finding what it takes
Posted on | January 9, 2006 | 14 Comments
Running along the lake in yak tracks, the late sun on the horizon above the lake looked like someone spread apricot jam across a rent in the clouds. Snowflakes hit my face. Ice below the snow along the path was slick and see-through. The lake waves cut up onto the cold pebbles of the shore, like a thousand icy tongues. The air was cold when I sucked it in, and each exhalation left a cloud of heat and moisture hovering just behind me for a second in the winter air.
It was the first time I’ve run along the bike path since snow has fallen, and it felt just like running in sand. It took more effort and balance than running on macadam, but there was also a certain new thrill to having the terrain be constantly changing. Today I realized that I’ve gotten to a new place about running in my head: my mind wants to run now and my body follows.
This didn’t happen accidentally or suddenly. It’s taken six months of repeated motion to get my brain in the habit of running—to form a groove in my being where my mind slips now with ease. And I know that if I stopped, given a couple of weeks—no more than a month—it would be gone. But today I sort of marveled at the capacity my mind has to move beyond the immediate intense pain of shin splints (the product of new shoes or the crazy jackrabbit sprint I’ve been doing) and for a few moments at least allow me to feel like I can do anything.
I know this is why the Juila Cameron writes in The Artist’s Way that it is vital to do morning pages and to go on ‘artist dates’ with oneself. Because it is exactly this inner freedom that gradually develops, creating momentum. I would never have imagined I’d be on the brink of committing to start training for a marathon (!), and yet here I am, wanting to test my outer limits. Wanting to do more than just run a couple miles. And I know that after if I can stick with writing every morning, taking time for myself to fuel my artistic soul, I will develop a similar kind of creative momentum.
Right now when it comes to writing that tricky shadow side of myself (that is quick to sabotage the best of my intentions) prickles up every time I sit down to write. I chicken out, write only first drafts, balk at following through. But I’m starting to realize that just as this side of myself exist, so does the fiery side that enables me to burn through my own resistance. This is why I’ve jumped in.
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14 Responses to “Finding what it takes”
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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January 9th, 2006 @ 1:18 am
This freedom you speak of is incredible. Reminds me of what it felt like when I danced alot. At some point I’d get lost in the music, my body would follow, and somehow I was elevated to a different place. It’s a pretty amazing feeling.
I love the artwork and wish you the best as you jump into the Artist Way.
January 9th, 2006 @ 2:07 am
I can’t wait to hear about your journey on the Artist Way and I hope I can get my life together enough to start one of my own soon.
The running thing, yeah. I am there with you. I never knew it could be so addictive, but I find myself itching for it on days when I cannot. It is odd. I don’t run that far even, but I’m growing to love it all over again…just like when I was growing up.
January 9th, 2006 @ 2:44 am
I love watching you fall into this. When I went to school to become a writer I “learned†that I could never do it… which is complete bullshit, of course. Now I know that I always have been and that it’s just a matter of putting that energy where I want it to be… a matter of writing the way I want to write, not the way I think a writer should. Finding your blog has helped me awaken that artistic soul that I had buried away. Thank you for that. It is so inspiring to watch you truly find it within yourself.
Keep us posted on the marathon. We’ll be your own private cheering section. YES, I’ll even wear the cute little skirt and scream, “Ready? OK!â€
Mwah!
January 9th, 2006 @ 3:29 am
so glad you have joined AW.
congratulations on the decision to train for a marathon. bravo!!
January 9th, 2006 @ 5:03 am
there’s something redeeming about your writing, almost magical. everytime I read your posts, buried and hidden emotions well up. happiness, anxiety, fear. and somehow, I feel better after. you are an artist with a beautiful soul Christina. thanks for sharing your talent with all of us.
January 9th, 2006 @ 5:07 am
It will be fun to watch what you and the rest of the “cool kids” come up with
January 9th, 2006 @ 10:07 am
Hey, Christina, congratulatins on your Best of Blogs nomination! You’re going to win it- I just know it. You definitely have my vote!
January 9th, 2006 @ 12:06 pm
Haha That’s what I was just going to say…congratulations and you have my vote as well
January 9th, 2006 @ 12:53 pm
You gals ARE AMAZING. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
January 9th, 2006 @ 1:22 pm
It sounds like your spirit is well primed for Artist’s Way and ready to fly. The picture, the winged runner, I love it. I’m not physically running, but this process is something akin to running a race. Best wishes.
January 9th, 2006 @ 1:44 pm
i love the picture..and the words…oh my…
when you do write what you want to write
it will be amazing…
what you already write here?
it already is amazing.
January 9th, 2006 @ 10:23 pm
How many times can I lamely repeat the word “beautiful” here? But it’s what comes up for me…when I read your words…and see your artwork and photography. So glad you’re along with us for the AW journey.
January 9th, 2006 @ 11:53 pm
I love the connection between running and writing/creating here – you have this wellspring of talent and creation within you. I’m so happy you’re doing AW with all of us. It’s going to be a very interesting couple of months!
January 10th, 2006 @ 12:01 am
You have my vote as well for BOB!
Elaine said it best: “Finding your blog has helped me awaken that artistic soul that I had buried away.”
I really hope you are at Blogher in July. I’m dying to meet you and thank you in person for awakening my artistic side that had been buried away 7-8 years ago when I became a Mom. You’re the shiznit hunny!