I ran 11 miles today. It felt like an eternity and I wanted to give up many more than eleven times, but I didn’t. I chose to run indoors after my last long run left me chilled to the bone, but regretted my decision. It was sunny outside even though it was cold, and the scenery would have kept me engaged. Running indoors is synonymous with boredom, and though I brought these stories to listen to on my iPod, and could be seen from time to time grinning from ear to ear as a result, I couldn’t shake the monotony of running in place.
One foot after the other, staring at myself in the mirror for 1 hour and 45 minutes makes time do crazy things. This much I know: time is not a constant medium. In the last half hour of running, when both knees were burning and I was dying for Gatorade (which I forgot to bring) and I had to pee, it felt like each minute was stretched out the way a tape sounds when the tape film gets pulled. The song blares at warp speed, all blurry and ridiculous.
Other times —-like when on the couch and write in my notebook with the bright morning sun flooding in through the windows—an hour or two feels like a small pocketfull of minutes. I could sit there forever, writing. No amount of time feels long enough. Bean always wakes too soon.
So I’ve found that staying present in the moment: running only for these steps that are happening now; holding my mind in check, right NOW—is the only way humanly possible to make it through 11 miles. This is also how I make it through the rough days when everything’s off kilter; and how I plan to make it through 26.6 miles.
Taken moment by moment, the quality of time evens out. Now is NOW. Thid moment I can bear—and then suddenly this moment has become the next.
***
Here is a brillaint piece of writing about time.
Here are other self portrait takers.
Wow, what a great interpretation of time. Running inside drives me crazy, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I will face the cold every time.
I love David Sedaris! I bought his whole collection to listen to in what I anticipated would be a long first labor. Turns out Lily came way faster than that collection.
I can’t imagine running that long at all, much less in one place. You are a powerhouse! I suppose it could be very meditative, though.
And thanks for the bee advice; the swelling has already gone away, so I guess she’s not at all like her mom!
I was thinking to myself the other day, “what will pull me through another half hour on this machine?” as I ran indoors. I shuffled through albums, making up a soundtrack for the silent CNN broadcast before my face. It was utterly boring. I had to imagine myself jogging alongside my old horse to revive my spirit, and it still felt saccharine in the way it’s such a distant concept now, now that I am swamped with kidstuff and short on time and money.
you are my role model. you rock!
I’m so in awe of your motivation to run. (and big smooch for the shout-out) I read in a comic today: Now is officially over. That’s exactly how I feel!
ohhh, so THAT’S how you ran the 11 miles…
I love shadows–so this self portrait is especially wonderful to me.
gives a whole new meaning
to being
present in the moment…
and wow
that you have the determination
to keep going…
good for you
LOVE the collage. Amazon link didn’t work for me, but I see from another comment that it was Sedaris. God knows if I needed some humor to get me through 11 miles, he’d be the man. It’s THE fundamental lesson I learned when I got sober…just take one step and just keep going. Until then, I’d been paralyzed by procrastination in all areas of my life. It’s the most important thing I try to remember still–and often forget. That’s why Nike was so frigging genius to come up with that simplistic slogan: just do it. Because really, what else can one do?
Good for you — I’m assuming you’re training for a marathon? Taking things one step at a time is such a great metaphor for life and all our big events, as well as the small ones. A friend told me on the phone the other night as I grumbled about having to paint a room where the color didn’t quite turn out the way I was hoping, that “You can’t eat an elephant in one bite. You have to stop and chew, and eat some more.”
That really resonnated with me — and if anything, made me stop and enjoy the “process” as much as the end result.
love this mosaic of self portraits! and I am all about the living in the now, taking things moment by moment. it sounds like such a simple concept, yet I find I need constant reminders. it’s like I have this habit of focusing on too much at once, worrying too much, and even it causes so much unnecessary grief, it really is a hard habit to break. Thanks for being my reminder today…
good advice. i love the collage you created with your pics. way cool!
It’s funny how when you are running, you think you are going to die of boredom but once you are done, you have this great clarity of mind. I always find that the first 3 miles are the hardest while joy comes from mile 5-8, after that, it is just trugging along until done. Some of the training runs can actually be harder than the race. I remember runnning 22 miles instead of 20 on a training run and thinking I would die but I didn’t and now I have that accomplishment under my belt. I love your SPT. sooo very good!
Great collage. I immediately knew you were talking about David Sedaris when you said you were grinning ear to ear. Good for you for running. That’ll keep you in shape like nothing else.
Really a perfect spin on the progression of time theme. Stay out of the progression! ‘Cause it happens anyway. The photo collage is really, really beautiful too.
That collage is stunning!
What a GORGEOUS image!