The good & the not so much

Feeling tiredness crowd me like breathy people on a commuter train, I write a few scattered sentences and prepare for bed. The house is humming: the heat turning on, DH playing guitar, the low moan of the wind pulling around the northern corner. I feel snug tonight. Impatient still, with no answer yet, but content [...]

Waiting

Feeling the tight stomached ache of waiting, now. For spring, for the fat envelope, for several nights of sleep stacked up against each other like a solid cord of wood. I finished The Year Of Magical Thinking yesterday, and all day today I keep going back to it in my mind. So many of her [...]

25 months

Snow is falling again, though last week the grass started to show, barely green, in muddy patches in the yard. The temperatures were in the fifties and the creek running through the meadow down our road, was swollen with snowmelt, its blue-black water spreading out across the snowy expanse of buried grass like a bruise. [...]

Morning blur

The morning is smudged with rainy dark. Gradually the snow melts, an the temperatures climb. Along the roads, silver buckets hang from maple trees now. My fingers move slowly this morning, making up sleep debt always takes a few nights. My body still feels somehow separate, as though I’m above it slightly, directing it as [...]

Sleep, interrupted.

Every hour. Every single hour, he woke up (stomach ache? teething? All he kept saying was, “Hug! Want a hug!”) Does the word derailed have meaning for you? Because that’s how I feel this morning. Or like all of my cells are zinging, vibrating at some near out of body frequency, my pulse quick from [...]