Tumbling towards start
Posted on | August 10, 2007 | 10 Comments
The last few weeks of summer before the start of the school year make me feel like a tumbleweed; aimless and windblown, with so many things up in the air, and without the routine of work. I laugh, realizing that I’ve arrived at this point: ready to go back. I miss a routine, even though I’m not good at exacting one upon my cantaloupe eating summer days.
Over the vactation I’ve managed to slow down enough, unwind enough, to start missing the days of waking up early to sip something warm and write before heading off to work. Now more than ever I need that structure. I need to get started on the forty pages I’ll be exchanging with my writing group in December, and starting this week I’ll also be posting over at Parent Dish.
I like the tingly feeling I get contemplating how with each progressive step I’m sinking more deeply into my commitment towards writing. And also, trepidation.
There’s no better way to get started than to simply sit down and get started, this much I know. But I have a particularly hard time with this. Introductions. First days. First words on the page. First weeks of a new routine. The beginning of anything is something that time sets me on edge and makes me resistant. I drag my feet. Think up every reason in not to jump in. And then, invariably, I finally do.
But what is it about starting that’s so hard? There’s something in those first moments that’s raw and unpredictable. It’s an act of throwing yourself off the cliff, of leaping into the blue space of air and unknown. My heart thuds in my chest when I sit down, poised, ready, my fingers hovering above the keys. Does this happen to anyone else?
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August 11th, 2007 @ 3:43 am
Oh yes, it sure does.
August 11th, 2007 @ 7:27 am
Christina, you’ve described how I feel before starting a new painting! It’s defintely artistic performance anxiety; I think there is the unspoken thought that maybe this project could be the one that won’t work. But then – so what? there’s always the next one! I keep reminding myself that I just need to do it… just paint, just enjoy… thinking too much about it and where it’s going is a stalling mechanism. Anyway… it’s good that you are making writing commitments, beacuse that is what will keep you growing. Good luck with the start of school!
August 11th, 2007 @ 8:17 am
Oh God, yes! I recently signed up for a certificate degree through the college (trying to stay productive) and there was ALWAYS something that kept me from starting … have to do laundry, clean, blahblahblah. Then I started and I wondered why I procrastinated so much! I think a lot of us have those commitment hurdles to jump over. Congradulations on the Parent Dish gig.
August 11th, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
Yup… and each new start is a leap of faith. But the way I look at it, without that faith in the as yet unbegun/unknown — my world would be pretty boring. Good luck on your starts!
August 12th, 2007 @ 1:56 am
You’ve said it so well.
For me the starting is so hard because that means I must also finish. And often that pressure is so scary I pause, wait, and reflect before I begin. But I do begin… and with each step I experience the importance of the one taken and the one yet to be taken.
Wish I could articulate the process…just know your words resonate inside me.
August 12th, 2007 @ 8:14 pm
It’s hard enough for me that I didn’t start a blog until I was shoved into it.
I’m not a writer; my blog would be boring to many, but it’s opened up a whole new world.
It all began with my first timid comment on Blogging Baby (Parent Dish) over two years ago.
August 13th, 2007 @ 1:50 am
Starting IS hard. I’m always afraid I might have a hard time being committed to anything. No matter how many times I’ve proven myself wrong, there are always the few times I’ve just spoken (not to be confused with started) and haven’t followed through.
August 13th, 2007 @ 11:33 am
I love a good routine, but I love stepping away from it even more – this maternity leave feels like summer vacation in many ways, and I’m enjoying it. I, too, shy away from starting things – especially BIG IMPORTANT things – but then I find myself really enjoying whatever it is, or at least the relief of having started whatever it is.
Congratulations on the new gig! I will read just for you – I used to read it all the time but fell away – your posts there are really fabulous! And greatly informative.
August 13th, 2007 @ 6:40 pm
Welcome to Parent Dish.. I noticed you before your intro… I enjoy the clear writing style! Looking forward to more reads from you!
August 15th, 2007 @ 1:23 am
yay for writing for Parent Dish!!! can’t wait to read more from you.