Create, live with abandon.
Posted on | January 1, 2008 | 10 Comments
The snow is falling outside, making everything like a milky dream. The trees are flocked with white, and I can’t remember the scent of summer: cut grass, ripening blackberries, dust rising up from the dirt road; in the same way I can’t really remember what last year was like, so much uncertain, heartache like broken dishes gathered in a paper sack. I never imagined that I’d have to reach out and cut my fingers on the shards to grow in a marriage; in fact I never really pictured this life at all.
This small boy, this man, this house, these fields dappled blue and white with snow and shadows. How can you ever really imagine how your life will be? Dreams are so fickle, so rife with longing. It’s good to have them—and to send them on whispered breath out into the world like so much dandelion furze. But I’m grateful that the Universe has a bigger dream for me.
Grateful that in the year between then and now, we’ve come together again, pulled towards one another inevitably like the tiny magnets on the backs of Bean’s toy trains that hitche one to the next. Grateful the embering heat of the wood stove, the heat of his love, and the inches of powder that keeps falling out of the sky, making it possible, finally, for me to learn to ski.
Yesterday Bean spent the night at his grandparents for the first time ever. We went out for dinner with friends, sipping champagne and honeyed martinis in a restaurant with silver painted walls. Gold and white balloons bobbed from the backs of our chairs. Our voices carried certainly to the neighboring tables, our laughter rising up ruckus and often among forkfuls of roasted garlic, olives, flatbreads, crab cakes with micro greens, carpaccio, crème brule. Then we came home and were just us, in the soft flannel of our bed when the pale morning light pulled us from slumber. Just us, and the siren song of bare skin and warm shoulders calling for an embrace.
Then we made coffee, buttered raisin toast, and eggs, and talked about our resolutions for 2008.
Mine:
Publish at least five pieces of writing.
Get more organized (with everything from regular writing time, to planning what’s for dinner.)
Kick some booty as an athlete: get to be better at climbing, yoga, running (maybe a triathlon?) and skiing.
Grow a garden.
Live with abandon.
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January 1st, 2008 @ 11:39 pm
Your words have brought tears…
I remember reading a year ago.
And tonight I need to believe next year will be as different for me.
Write. Run. Plan.
I pray you’ll just keep sharing the journay.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 4:21 am
What a lovely first-of-year post.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 9:02 am
Phenomenal… I so envy your artism (new word! call webster’s!).
I could not paint or draw my way out of a paper bag, but that gorgeous collage actually has me curious to try. I’m sure it would be a dog’s breakfast, but it would be MY dog’s breakfast, and that would be cool.
I love the bird, and I love the conversion of that photo of Bean.
You’re so creative. And I also love your snippets of new england life. I love it there so much, like a blending of my two favourite places on earth, the rustic, nestled, salt-of-the-earth of the maritimes plus the mountain life of the west. All the things I love, a day’s drive away.
I wish I could see your homestead, lucky mama.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 9:45 am
i love this: “…I’m grateful that the Universe has a bigger dream for me.” me, too.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 10:59 am
Love the sensual imagery here.
Also love the first of the year post, first of the year art. I will post my first bit tonight too.
Your resolutions are similar to my own. I think that’s a common thread for bloggers who extend into the writing world–that desire to grow in so many ways.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
you inspire me!
tara
January 2nd, 2008 @ 4:47 pm
Simply beautiful.
January 2nd, 2008 @ 5:39 pm
“But I’m grateful the Universe has a bigger dream for me” – that is IT, baby!
“Create” is my word for the year – with ALL that it means, in all its facets – the lens is wide. Not just about art or writing but about my lovely life – making it even more lovely.
Too delicious that you got a date night with your honey – and kiddo to come home to. That’s a really fabulous way to kick off the New Year (must remember that for myself, next year maybe?).
January 2nd, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
Nice opening for the new year. Resolutions too are apt. I only hope that I can live more intentionally instead of letting each day just happen. Okay, serendipity is there too.
January 4th, 2008 @ 4:09 pm
hey there! i haven’t been by here in a long time. your art is lovely. i’ve started up a year long challenge to be creative every day in 2008. feel free to join in if you’d like!