Update: because I've almost slipped off the face of the earth
Posted on | January 21, 2008 | 26 Comments
* My laptop is in for repairs (the screen split down the side for no apparent reason) and I’m going through withdrawal trying to write on my old, slow HP.
* My rooster, who was attacked by a neighbor’s boyfriend’s dog, is dying. I am so sad, and feel so guilty and awful, not quite knowing what to do to help. He’s more severely injured than he let on the day after–and I think I’m going to have my father in law shoot him. He might have crushed ribs–and certainly a broken leg. He won’t eat, or drink. This is the part I hate about loving animals.
* I have another writing deadline (the first of next month) and am tangling deep in the middle of a manuscript. Hence, I have no time to do anything else. Including art. Feeling guilty about that.
* I can’t seem to shake the feeling of guilt hanging over me lately—can’t seem to ever feel like I’m getting everything done well enough, fast enough, etc–yet I can’t seem to figure out what to cut back on.
* I’m turning 30 at the end of the week, and am feeling nervous. Shouldn’t I have accomplished more by now? Please tell me, what is the best thing about turning 30?
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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January 21st, 2008 @ 1:07 pm
It’s the first day of the rest of your life
I have to tell you, in all honesty, the year I turned 30 was the best year EVER (up until then). And it’s still in the top 5 
Guilt schmuilt, be a duck, baby and let it roll off your back.
And extra hugs about the rooster. Loving animals is wonderful but oh so hard when things like this happen.
January 21st, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
being creative is finding ease with the constant sense that you are your own worst critic. I got to a place of peace when my sculpture teacher said to me in my post college years, that being an artist wasn’t about showing in galleries, or getting published. It was about living a life that made sense to you. about finding your own skin a place you wanted to be. that artists hung themselves when they defined their work towards goals that were not really theirs.
easier said than done. i am a practicing architect, craving the time to draw, make sculpture, ceramics and fabric projects on the weekends. somehow, when i look at the life i am creating i find that to be rich. but i always have to remember that those moments with myself when i am creating are worth it.
its not an easy struggle. for what its worth, the way you write, take pictures and live a life is a total inspiration to me. i struggle with the balance of enough time, enough exercise and enough pride in what i’ve made. these pages are so much, don’t discount this blog as a beautiful product….
January 21st, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
Turning 30 is WONDERFUL. Did you know Julia Child didn’t even start learning how to cook until she was 32? My thirties are so much happier so far than my twenties ever were. Somehow there’s more acceptance and savoring and less pressure and worry and uncertainty.
January 21st, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
Accomplished more than…
* writing so eloquently that all of us want to read every inch of what you type
* creating a beautiful, sweet as pie son who adores you
* marrying a fantastic man who makes you (and others!) laugh, a lot
?? You’re amazing and this is just the beginning of your accomplishments! Cut yourself some slack!
Birthday hugs to you, enjoy every moment. I’ll let you know the best thing about turning 30 when I face it in May.
January 21st, 2008 @ 4:45 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your rooster. Poor baby.
I understand the turning 30 bit… My 30th is in a little over two weeks. Some days I feel like I haven’t figured a lot out in the 30 years I’ve been here, and I certainly haven’t accomplished as much as I wish I had. Then I try to remind myself that the biggest things in life are often not as dramatic as we sometimes believe (believed?) they would be, but it doesn’t make them less important. (We’ll see if I can maintain that philosophy.)
Hope you have a great birthday. And if you figure out the secret to getting over the “oh, god, I’m almost 30 and I’ve done nothing” crisis, let me know, would ya?
January 21st, 2008 @ 5:01 pm
Hi Christina -
I never write comments (shame on me), but I read your blog regularly. You offer a unique perspective on life, love and motherhood. I’m terrified by the idea of being a parent, but your blog has helped me to see all the joy that being a mom brings. I feel like having read your blog, maybe, just maybe, I do have the courage to be a parent. And I bet I’m not alone. So, tick that off as one thing you’ve accomplished – you’ve inspired others! And that’s just one teeny, tiny thing that you’ve done with your life so far. So, thank you for writing this blog!
As for turning 30, for me it was one of the more liberating things that I’ve accomplishled (and I didn’t have to do anything to do so)! I hope you find that 30 fits you well.
Happy Birthday!
January 21st, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
The best part about turning 30 is that you no longer care about ridiculous things like, “I’ve gotta be famous by the time I’m 18.”
Seriously, I LOVED my 30s. LOVED. The sooner you let go of this “gotta do something schtick” and just be. who. you. are. the more fun (yes! guilt-free fun!) you will have.
pinkie swear. You could get famous tomorrow– imagine you are wildly famous RIGHT NOW. How does that change anything?
of course, don’t listen to me– I’m just a big loser who’s never done anything (famous or important) with her one, wild life . . .
January 21st, 2008 @ 6:35 pm
The best thing about turning 30 is that the 30′s are SO much better than the 20′s. The 30′s ROCK. You’ll see.
xoxo
January 21st, 2008 @ 7:52 pm
Oh, Girl… the best thing about turning 30 is you have a whole 20 more years ahead of you, filled with turns on the road that you cannot now envisage, before you even get to 50 – which is where I am, and looking forward to the next 20. And somewhere in my 30′s I made a decision to let that “should” word be replaced by a choice-filled “could” far more often.
Sorry to hear about the rooster. It is so hard when we lose animals.
January 21st, 2008 @ 7:53 pm
The good news I can still remember my thirties…
The biggest transformation for me during those first few years was an ever increasing ability to choose what was right for me and those I love. So much of the stuff I’d packed into my life was “essential” and all the striving was taking the joy out of the things that should have been so meaningful.
Perspective comes with age and if you use it well you’ll feel younger because you actually free yourself to be and do the things that are in sync…
This is hard to articulate…
Don’t let guilt steal your joy and energy. Guilt eventually produces shame and that can be paralyzing. For me, well, I review my life in three areas (physical, emotional, and spiritual) and I determining what three things will produce balance and health in these areas…and I shelve the rest for another season, their time will come but I can’t do it all and I be it all…so I just need to be the best me.
January 21st, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
the best thing about turning 30 is being done with the craziness of your 20s! I’m turning 35 this year and definitely feel that my 30s have been my best decade by far – more mature, more focused, much less drama.
January 21st, 2008 @ 9:52 pm
sis, I LOVE you. You are totally great. A Wonderful writer, a kickass sister, an amazing mother, and a wonderful wife. xoxox PS your birthday present may be late.
January 21st, 2008 @ 11:45 pm
As said above, the 30s rock. I replaced “I should…” with “I want…”. I won’t say I became selfish, but I definitely started paying attention to what was important for me to live a happy life. I learned I could do things for myself and that people still liked me, but it didn’t really matter because my 30s were when I stopped worrying about people liking me and realized that I’m going to click with some and not with others.
By my late 30s, I stopped worrying so much about achieving and started being happy about my place in life. Acceptance of where we are at brings an amazing amount of peacefulness.
Now, well into my 40s, I find this decade even better than the last. That’s as it should be. We become more who we are and like ourselves better with each passing year.
Sorry to hear about your rooster.
Very Happy (Early) Birthday! I’m sure you will love your 30s.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 4:48 am
You have already acheived so much. Your 30s will be filled with dreams realised and wonderful memories with your family.
Enjoy your birthday!
January 22nd, 2008 @ 6:56 am
it’s one of those days here. i accomplished pages and pages in the last weeks, still i feel bad. for not being further. for getting things wrong. for daydreaming too much, while there is a world in turmoil out there.
and then, there, in the web, these lines here – lines that in their essence reflect my mood. that put things in a perspective that i wasn’t able to reach on my own today.
thanks for that. i just copied some lines from here into my blog, to remember. to keep. (here the link: http://oiloncopper.blogspot.com/2008/01/being-creative.html)
and age – 30 is great. plus, i don’t think age matters, really.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 7:33 am
As someone who is nearing her 50′s (and as I write that, it still amazes me), I look back on my 30′s as a time when I was just beginning to figure out what was truly important to me… and to recognize how right that little voice inside me was when it was trying to guide me. Of course, that is perspective that comes with age… when I was steeped in my 30′s, I know that I ignored that little voice more than perhaps I should have… but you learn. The best thing about my 30′s was that they brought me so many experiences that shaped who I am from a richer perspective. And as each year of that decade passed, they got better and better. That’s something that continues to this day. It just keeps getting better — because with each passing year, you’re more willing to let go of the stuff that doesn’t matter, and concentrate more on the stuff that does — and not worry about what others will think in the process (that’s the best part!).
I’m so sorry to hear about your rooster. I know how horrifying it is to watch an animal in pain. No living being deserves that. My thoughts and prayers are with you… for the peace that you so much deserve.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 1:48 pm
I’m going to tell you this, with my hands on my hips – STOP FEELING GUILTY. You are doing the very best you can. And it’s good enough. You must imagine a giant hand coming down from Heaven and taking you off the hook.
And it’s your birthday coming up? oh swirly happy birthday joy to you – your thirties will be truly wondrous. I’ve always heard good things about being thirty, as these comments do attest – and I do look forward to it, even if I do freak out over a (possibly imagined?) silver hair in my own head. We will turn thirty in the same year!
I’m sorry about your rooster. It is hard to see an animal in pain.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 1:56 pm
Yesterday I turned 30, and what I can tell you is that I survived, and even enjoyed myself in spite of it all.
As sad as I was to see my twenties ending, by the end of the day 30 just seemed right. I spent my twenties making life changes, chasing blindly down paths I thought were right for me, and finding too many dead ends. Maybe I’m not exactly where I want to be in life right now, maybe I haven’t accomplished all the things I’d wanted to by now, and maybe I don’t exactly know what my destination is. But I feel so much more grounded after all the trial and error. Smarter about knowing which new paths to try. And suddenly 30 seems like an invitation to tackle the next ten years with a little more wisdom and a lot more verve. Suddenly I’m excited to be 30.
It’s an interesting experience, and will probably be different for you. But it will be better than you expect.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 2:51 pm
I just turned 29 today. It’s just a number, right?
Don’t sell yourself short on your accomplishments. You inspire so many people every day. More than you know!
January 22nd, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
First – sorry about the rooster. That sucks. It is terrible to see animals suffer.
Now, about this turning 30 thing …
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!???!!! Look at you! You have a beautiful son, wonderful husband, amazing house and land, a job you seem to love, hobbies that you excel at coming out of your rear, and for goodness sake, your freaking beautiful! I remember my 30th b-day. I was working at Outback Steakhouse and I was an RA at the dorms I was living in, trying to get a degree. I went out that night and got stinky drunk and cried because I was surrounded by 18-20 somethings who were getting thier life together quicker than I was. Soon after that I met my husband to be, had my son, and the rest is history. I never did finish that degree and I am going to be 34 in April. BUT, it doesn’t matter. I am happier than I ever was in my life. My destiny right now is to raise these babies the best way I can. And who knows what will happen in a couple years??? The nice thing about turning 30 is that you realize your life isn’t over, that there is no schedule you should have accomplished by this time. You realize that time keeps ticking and you better ENJOY life instead of worrying where you are in it so much. My few years into my 30′s have taught me to appreciate all the mistakes I made in my 20′s that got me to this place I am in now … I can’t wait to see what becomes clear when I turn 40.
Happy birthday, sweetie – ENJOY it. Revel in your accomplishments that you already have made, not the ones you are still working on – think of the years ahead that you have to do and experience so much more.
January 22nd, 2008 @ 11:03 pm
Happy Birthday! 30 is awesome, I turned it this last year, and I’ve got to say woman that you have oh so much more accomplished in your life then me. But you know what’s best? Having a whole new decade with a clean slate lying ahead of you and the ability to celebrate as you want.
January 23rd, 2008 @ 1:17 am
You have accomplished so much. I only hope to have the soul and experience you do at 50.
January 24th, 2008 @ 10:42 pm
You were not put on this earth to accomplish things. You are here to experience the journey put before you.
30 is about accepting yourself just as you are – you know, comfortable in your own skin.
One of my favorite sayings:
We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. ~Lynn Hall
Enjoy your birthday Christina!
January 25th, 2008 @ 5:39 pm
I’m 35 now and I can say that turning 30 was wonderful. I’m echoing several of the people who have commented already, but I have also experienced coming into myself and trusting myself in a way that I never experienced in my 20s. It hasn’t always been easy – I’ve learned some hard lessons in these 5 years, but I am so much more comfortable with myself, confident, and joyful. You have nothing to fear in this decade and lots to embrace.
Happy birthday to you.
January 27th, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
The most wonderful thing about turning 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 is that you begin to really come into your own. You begin to know yourself in a way you never have before and it is so freeing! With each decade, I have become stronger…and cared less about what others think. I was always a people pleaser, but I have learned that while I still really enjoy pleasing others, I am the one I need to please!
Enjoy your birthday….the best truly is yet to come
February 6th, 2008 @ 12:05 am
guilt has found me lately, too. like i can’t seem to keep up with myself and i feel guilty for that. and feel guilty about feeling guilty. turning 30, for me, was a huge and joyous turning point for me. i took up art and haven’t looked back. passion took over and details took the backseat. you will love it. and happy birthday!
many well wishes,
kelly rae