We’re good. Better. Hours outdoors snowshoeing, just the two of us, the sun filtering through the trees like gold onto the snow. Conversations over wine and salad about astronomy and politics and five year plans. A few extra minutes in bed together, lips brushing against warm skin, after sending Bean off to play in his room. Holding hands while walking around the grocery store. Taking the time to remember what it was like when our universe was just us. When he was my only focus. When I was his.
And yeah, the jealousy is still there. But I also know that I’d be heartbroken without this. Without the maples drenched in snow, the tiniest of new red buds just showing. Without this house that smells sweet with the heady aroma of brownies and hums with the rhythmic whir of the dishwasher. Without these boys: the big one and the small. I know this. I know there is an arc to everything, and that I’m on mine, and I’ll get there. And I know that this is my story: this juxtaposition of homestead and wanderlust. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But thank you for your reminders. I needed them.
I (heart) that picture. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself – the struggles & joy.
I knew it would be fine. After reading about the two (three) of you for the last couple of years, a person just gets the feeling that you are meant to last. That picture is so sweet – you look like a giggly girl. Isn’t it wonderful to have that time for just the two of you?? Love to you and yours, Christina.
Awwww…
I’m glad
this made me cry and spoke to me on so many levels.
you are one of the most beautiful writers.
love how you intertwine grace, bravery and strength within feelings that are difficult to have.
ahh…the ebb and flow of marriage and true love.
your family unit is inspiring and brings me peace.
love to you and your journey of homestead and wanderlust.
(wanderlust is one of my favorite words…along with wunderkind).
xoxo
It’s so good to see this. I’m happy for you. This is good.
There’s something about these two things (winter and finances) that make a pair wiggly. I know this, from my own experience, from my own heart. It’s tough, but I have faith in [me and him] [you and your heart] that all will make it through. Spring is so soon, and the choices we make… well, we have to follow our hearts. I say this because I am so interested to see how others are chasing their dreams. As a fellow teacher, as a fellow writer, as a person on the cusp of MFA and decision, I am certainly feeling comfort that others are searching to find that balance between the two (and as a person thinking of having babies soon–the balance between family and career).
xox