what do you do?
Posted on | August 2, 2008 | 11 Comments
What do you do when your kid is over tired. You know this as surely as you know it’s raining. He skipped his nap. Falls apart before dinner over a cracker, over putting his sweatshirt on, over cleaning up his blocks. What do you do when you make every attempt to put him to bed early on time, and you give him an extra long bath because it should calm him down…but by bedtime he is tightly wound. Over tired. Stubborn. He doesn’t like the songs you sing. He kicks his legs in your general direction. He wails when you leave after your promised one song and a snuggle. He gets up and follows you to the door, screaming, sobbing. Do you give in? Do you go back and calm him because you know he’s tired? Or do you insist, and not give in–this tantrum likely to lead to others. Bedtime already prolonged enough. What do you do? Because I don’t honestly know lately. He’s at this new stage, and its requiring all the patience I’ve got.
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I am Christina Rosalie
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I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
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August 2nd, 2008 @ 7:56 pm
I’ve so been there. And sadly, there isn’t one answer that will work. But yeah, when they’ve gone into the land of over tired, standard rules cannot apply. Hell, I once nursed Anya even though she’d been weaned for 9 months, just because she was so over tired I thought she was going to explode.
And yes, when they are that far gone, you hold them. At least that’s what I do. I usually try to get something out of them as well, though, to make sure it doesn’t feel to them like they are winning at the battle of wills. I say, for instance, “If you can calm down and speak to me quietly, I’ll be happy to come hold you. You’re hurting my ears with all that yelling and I don’t want to be close when you do that.” And then I hold them to that. Usually they can pull it together enough to do so.
But oh, this stage is so difficult. I really hope he passes through it quickly!
August 2nd, 2008 @ 10:24 pm
No nap means reallllly early bedtime. I try to avoid this “witching hour” you describe at all costs. So when the signs hit, it’s off to bed quick.
Good luck,
a.
August 3rd, 2008 @ 12:06 am
Ummmm, the memories your blog always brings to me! My oldest went through the same thing, oddly enough, when I was pregnant just as you are — which only makes the whole situation so much harder ’cause you’re tired and worn out. I. gave. in. It was so much easier. I laid in bed with him and most of the time I fell asleep before he did. It lasted for about 6 months.
We had the best little conversations lying there falling asleep — I’d so do it all over again. It doesn’t seem to have hurt him — he’s grown now, newly married and on his way to med school. Cherish those moments you have with him — he’ll soon have to share you!
August 3rd, 2008 @ 7:18 am
Yeah… there’s the theory, and there’s the reality. I lay down with him. Anything for peace. I’m glad for those times we had, like Thimbleanna. My son is 22 now, living independently, but he knows he can count on me when he really needs me. We do what we need to do to get through, I suppose.
I hope you come through these months feeling brighter. (I’d been away, not checking on blogs for a while, so I’ve just encountered your news. A lot to adjust to, I’m sure.)… Wishing you well.
August 3rd, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Breathe deeply and repeat: “This, too, shall pass.”
August 3rd, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
I went through that when I was pregnant early this year. Most often Samar was feeding off my own anxiety, and he was more emotional on those days I was felt more nauseous, tired and sick. I laid down with him and fell asleep chatting and holding hands. Now with the baby, I put her down in her room, and Samar is still counting on those moments before bed time with me laying down with him. So I do on most nights. I figure, it won’t be long before he will kick me out and shut the door to give him his own space, and then it’ll be the little girl asking me to share her bed-time moments. And pretty soon, I will be growing old, tired at 8 pm, and falling asleep with Mark while the kids are trying to sneak out past bed time.
Just relax and enjoy the excuse to share Bean’s bedtime with him. Read him an extra book, as pretty soon you will be reading to 2 kids.
August 3rd, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
Mine is younger than yours (15 months) but the description of over-tired still fits. It’s a constant source of conversation in our house, but I usually start by trying to hold the line and end up giving in. A good strategy? I’m not sure but in the moment it feels like the only thing that will work because I’m not good with length cry-it-out sessions. I’ve started trying to talk to my little one in these moments, hoping that even through her delirium and her limited understanding of my reasoning, that she will grasp the idea that I love her, I am here to comfort her, and yet, I know that she can help herself fall asleep if she will just relax and let herself go. Hang in there!
August 3rd, 2008 @ 10:37 pm
are you talking about my son??
i usually give in and show him some grace as i know he’s just over-tired… and i agree with lizardek, only my mantra seems to be “it’s only for a season…”
August 4th, 2008 @ 12:18 am
Oh my, we went through horrible bedtime issues and we still have nights like this here and there. I try to get him to bed early if he is overtired to avoid it, but it still happens. I find that for Jack he just wants me there, he can’t seem to unwind, in his own words he has said, “I can’t stop Mama, how do I stop thinking???”. So I lay with him a bit longer (or Piers does) try to hide my frustration (because I find that it just fuels the fire) and when I get up to go I tell him “Oh I have to go switch the laundry, if you lay very quietly I will come back for a cuddle.” and then I do, I come back give him a cuddle, say “now I have to go wash my own face for bed” and repeat…If he fusses I say, “Well I need to have clean towels for tomorrow, or I can’t go to bed without brushing my teeth!” and keep my tone light.
Jack knows now what’s up now, but he likes it, because I always do come back, and usually now he is asleep by the time I come back the first time.
Boy this sounds complicated, but the key for us is to just give a bit more time on nights where he is overtired and then in the end we aren’t having huge fits. It took some time to get this down tho’ and it is really just whatever works for you. It’s hard, I have been there, laying squished next to a little boy who is goofing around and not sleeping, thinking of all the things that need to get done and the precious 1/2 hour left to talk to my husband. Oy, good luck
August 4th, 2008 @ 10:46 am
honestly,
i always give in, and that’s why my girls
ages 8.5 and 7 still need me to fall asleep with them
every single night….i know they won’t need me to do this at 16 though, so i just try to enjoy it now…
good LUCK!
tara
August 7th, 2008 @ 8:39 pm
With my first, I always gave in. With my second, I put her to bed at the first sign of overtired – if it meant she had no dinner or didn’t clean up the toys, off to bed at 530pm, it didn’t matter, I just put her to bed. I can only think of one or two times that she didn’t sleep straight through until morning. Honestly, though, it is such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things, just do what feels right.