Like today. When all I feel like doing is crying for no reason. When I come home from work and feel like I can’t give anything more to anyone but I have to, because DH has guitar lessons and it’s the mama show for bedtime routine and dinner tonight.
It rained all day. Maybe that was it. Or maybe hormones. Or maybe I’m lonely or tired or hungry or some stupid combination of those three. Some days just suck. Even with the perfect orange leaves, wet from the rain, and the sun falling in angles, and the sound of Bean’s voice rising and falling in the living room where he excitedly narrates a story to himself.
It feels like I’m submerged, but unable to swim, like a rediculous dream. Does anyone else ever have days like this: where you see how irrationally moody you’re being, but cannot stop, cannot shake it off, cannot break into a grin no matter how much you know that you should?
I do,I do,I do!!!!
Usually a good book followed by a great night sleep do the trick to reverse it though!
And I know you are a writer so I am 100% sure you will love this book: http://annalisad.blogspot.com/2008/10/wonderful-book.html
Give it a try, it is written so well you will not want to out it down!!!
more than I ever imagined.
i feel for you. here’s a ((hug)).
Oh, yeah. I have had those days plenty of times. Sometimes, I just feel like giving myself a quick kiss in the ass, but that’s not very helpful.
Be kind to you. It’s hard to do, but you deserve kindness and compassion.
all the time.
I’ve come to believe that the main reason we have days where we are dancing on the edge, because we were never meant to be so isolated, so lacking in an community…
Sometimes, I imagine my neighborhood transformed, every house a hut, a central fire smoking where the liquor store now sits. There would be mothers, neighbors, aunts, sisters, friends to hold us up when we are weary.
Then, I think about how I can re-create that feeling of connection and support within our modern construct…
I’ve been forcing myself to reach out more, make friends with people in my own backyard, so that when I want to shove my head in the oven, I can just knock at my neighbor’s kitchen door and let her know that I need a good stiff drink.
Forgive my rambling, I guess I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
Blogs are pretty comfort, but when I’m having one of those days, I usually require a flesh and blood intervention to help turn the emotional tide.
Feel better, Mama.
I do.
(But then there are the days when someone, something, somehow does make me smile, afterall.)
Between having moods that are so closely tied to the seasons and being 18 weeks pregnant, I have so been on the same page as you lately! I am sure much of it is hormonal and the changing season, I have been having lots of ups and inexplicable downs lately.
Every damn time I have one of those days I get my period the next morning. Without fail. Chin up, baby. Love you!
PS didn’t mean to imply you were going to get your period though after I hit post, I realized that’s how it sounded! HA! I meant more that we’re all bowled over by hormones on the occasion.
oh yes. how i know these days. sometimes i hear the words that come out of my mouth on those days…the words i might say to jon and think, “what are you doing? stop this crazy.” but sometimes we just get in a funk and it is hard to get out.
and then some days it is easier.
sending you peace today…
Yes I do. And those are days I tell Mark and the kid “I am having a bad day, I am upset and no idea why.” Just so they know it may not all be their fault if I were to unleash on them.
yes…
sadly,
yes.
i have those days.
Yes, yes, and yes. It’s like you see yourself on a dangerous path, and you can’t figure out how to turn it all around and get back to yourself. I’ve mixed up my metaphors badly but I feel your hormonal pain, sweet one.
Absolutely. In fact, I had nearly a whole summer that felt like that. And then it lifted… but it only seemed to do so when I stopped fighting the feeling and just accepted it… tried to lean into it instead of resisting it. Gave myself permission to feel crappy, and tried to take care of myself as if I were really important… tried to do nurturing things and just give myself a break from my constant inner critic. Amazing what that can do for a person.
There are days when all I want to do is get away from myself… but I’ve come to believe that those days are put there to provide some contrast and clarity to my life. I think they are there so that I can figure out what’s necessary and what is not — and how I can work to simplify my life so that it feels more manageable. Somehow, for me at least, I tend not to make those kinds of choices unless I feel forced to. Perhaps this was simply the Universe’s way of forcing me to take a good look at myself and my life.
Don’t know if it’s quite the same for you — but certainly do know how you feel — and send you lots of comforting thoughts. It’s going to be okay — I promise.