Nesting
Posted on | January 2, 2009 | 14 Comments
We go out to the coop in the morning; bring leftover oatmeal and old toast. Break ice from the water canister, hang a heat lamp, staple insulation over the chinks in the eaves where the wind makes the last raveling of a summer’s spider webs flutter like a torn veil.
The chickens make little crooning noises as they peck at the cracked corn we pour by the scoopful into wide mouthed bowls on the straw covered floor. In the nesting boxes we find smooth oval eggs. Two tawny and brown; one the same pale blue color as the winter sky.
Today the sky’s obscured. White, and whirling snowflakes begin to fall. We head back indoors, leaving tracks across the yard. Three pairs. In another year, four.
I’ve grown used to the sway of my hips, carrying like a water buffalo this gibbous belly. I wear snug Ulu’s and the only down jacket that still fits over my belly. At night I rub honey lotion into my skin, and feel my belly stretching. Still not at ease with being pregnant, but present now and more content. I’ve had time to rest. I am starting to feel the days dwindle down. Eight weeks and he’ll be here. Little one, something like his brother. Maybe. I try to imagine his tiny hands, his eyes for the first time.
Inside at the table I sit and watch the birds come to the feeders through the snow. Cardinals, nuthatches, jays, woodpeckers even. Fighting for the fallen seed, grackles come with iridescent speckled backs. The air inside is warm and smells like wood smoke. I fold laundry: little kimono t’s and onesies. Nesting. Diapers arrive by mail and Bean stares at them dumbfounded. He likes the idea of a brother, but I can tell his mind can’t really go that far. How can it possibly? Mine can hardly take the leap.
In the hospital yesterday, in Labor and Delivery, I lay on an inclined bed with my arm hooked up to an IV of fluids and watched the sky change. Sunlight streamed in. The nurse was kind, efficient, full of laughter. It was good to be there. To be cared for. To feel the instant effect of rehydration. I had so much apprehension about going. Hospitals make me nervous. But it was good to have gone because it let my imagination slip forward to those moments, hours, blurred and drenched with sweat and wonder when this babe will arrive.
On Monday I go back to work for four weeks, then I’m on leave. Four jam-packed, helter-skelter weeks to complete assessments, interview my substitute, and prepare my class for the transition to someone else who doesn’t necessarily believe in magic or wonder or imagination the way I do. It makes me anxious, thinking of this. Anxious, but also giddy. Four weeks. I can do this much.
It has been so hard to manage everything this time around. A little like knife juggling, or dancing in very tall stilettos. Too many thing up in the air, twirling, frantic. I’ve been sick way too much, and then there has always been the aching tug of Bean wanting his mama at the end of every day. The first time around it was just me and DH, curled together on the couch after a long day, wondering. This time, we have so much: a life, a family, a house we’ve made, snow covered woods.
***
From all you second time around mamas out there: what to expect? What to prepare for? What things should I have on hand? In some ways I feel like a newbie as much this time as I did last time. Four years is long enough to forget. Looking at packages of diapers—I can’t remember, how many does a newborn use in a week?
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14 Responses to “Nesting”
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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January 3rd, 2009 @ 5:46 am
What toexpect? I can only speak from my own experience, of course, but here’s what I remember: the heart-breaking joy of brothers meeting for the first time, watching my son, the baby, become the big brother, morphing before my very eyes into this little defender and worshipper of ‘his’ baby. The first thing he wanted to do on meeting him was unwrap him from his layers of clothes and find his feet, then he pulled his own socks of and pressed his foot, ever so gently, sole to sole. Then he brought him his brand new cars and placed them gently all around him in his cradle. Euphoric joy that comes from realising you are the mother of two, and no longer pregnant, and able to handle them both! Best preparation I made was a treasure chest of toys for the boy, which were only for him, and only for playing with when I was breastfeeding the babe. That made the angst about breastfeeding with a rambunctious toddler around dissipate completely. What to have on hand – a notebook, for the moments you’re physically ‘trapped’ by little ones, but free to let your mind wander and capture the small details of the moments. It’s SUCH a cliché but those early days of forming as a family unit are so, so precious. I’m not sure we’ll have any more babies but I already ache with longing for the soft, unhurried tenderness of those days. Treasure it. Surround yourself with whatever makes night feedings and sleeplessness easier – good food, good words, good sounds. Let Bean help with anything and everything – it’s the making of a big brother. I was worried about how I’d cope with two – didn’t realise the elder one becomes your very own maternity nurse! As for nappies – waaaay more than you expect, that was (surprisingly, to me) the most shocking thing about a newborn the second time around. I felt like I was changing nappies every half an hour! And above all don’t be afraid that you’ve forgotten. One of the most delicious feelings was the realisation that this time you know what you’re doing, and you’re pretty darned fabulous at this Mama business!
January 3rd, 2009 @ 6:51 am
What I mostly remember is that #2 was NOTHING like #1 and all my expectations of how to be a mother to a child went flying out the window. BUT! Before you shudder and put your head under the covers: learning to parent two, while not at all easy, was every bit as mesmerizing as the first time around.
January 3rd, 2009 @ 11:05 am
Like lizardek my two boys are night and day. It took me awhile to expect Boychen to do things the way Small Boy had – I had to remind myself to let the new baby be his own self.
The first time around we didn’t do much of that practical prepare and store frozen food, easy meals, line up help stuff. I found it much more necessary the second time around. My older was only three, and by all accounts is less independent than Bean, so getting anything done was SO much harder than I expected.
Diapers – expect six to eight a day for breast-fed baby.
Since both my guys are guys and both winter babies, my second is wearing a lot of hand-me-downs but it was important to me that he have some new things of his own especially his “coming home” outfit. It might surprise you when you go to put on some hand-me-down outfit that it is so full of Bean memories that you simply cannot put it on the new baby. There are a few things from my older that are in perfectly good condition but belong only to him.
January 3rd, 2009 @ 11:37 am
You know I know nothing about preparing for baby number two, but I will learn from you, as always, and store those lessons away like a squirrel with acorns. I’m so happy that you are able to relax into this time, and also so happy that you’ll have some down time before the baby comes. And that photo is amazing – behold your mighty, beautiful belly!
January 3rd, 2009 @ 1:37 pm
I am glad you’re feeling better! I have no babies at all, so no advice. I am a teacher, so I wish you the best in getting ready and finding the perfect person to take over your class. I can only imagine how difficult that might be. Take good care.
January 3rd, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
you write so beautifully, a gift this saturday afternoon.
and being obsessed with chickens, i love your description, i’m reminded that i want bird feeders so my cardinal friends will come visit more.
January 3rd, 2009 @ 2:57 pm
I can tell you that having a second was like going though Parenting 101 all over again, but new dimensions to everything. Changing diapers while trying to read a book for Kid #1. Burping #2 while trying to get dinner for #1. A lot more juggling. But then somethings are easier. You see allergic reactions and know right away what they are, where the first time around, you probably had no clue what to look for. And then there is the joy that bubbles within, when you see milestones being achieved the 2nd time around. Being able to include Kid #1 in the parenting experience is a joy. For me it started the minute Samar walked into the room and his laid eyes on Mesha for the first time, eyes wide in wonder and smiling in quiet excitement that he had a baby now–he still refers to her as his baby.
I can also tell you that juggling the 2 is much easier when I delegate to Mark and let him handle the older, easier, walking, talking child.
January 3rd, 2009 @ 3:12 pm
I just had my second three weeks ago- a girl. If you have a video camera, tape Bean’s first reaction to seeing his little brother. I did so with my son and I just love to watch his reaction to new life, especially since his is still so very new at three years old. congratulations! Being a family of four feels so full to me. I love it already. Oh- and I had forgotten to let her rest after eating before changing the diaper, or like me you will be changing it twice
good luck.
January 4th, 2009 @ 3:17 pm
I was sick when I was pregnant with our second too, and it was such a relief once the baby was born to be able to recover my equilibrium and finally have the baby here too. What I noticed with our second is just how much faster the early days went and how much easier they were just knowing that things would change so quickly (and he had colic, unlike his older sister). Also, by the end of the first few days you really do feel like you’ve gotten your baby handling skills back, it was a considerable relief to me, as I thought I’d forgotten everything!
January 5th, 2009 @ 6:06 pm
“Could I love this second boy as much as I love the first one? I don’t think so, I will not be bale to split this love in two…. ”
These were the thoughts in my head. And when that second one comes along..it is like a new exact replica of that love is injected, as by a miracle, inside you..and it is magic!
January 8th, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
I love the way my 5 year old son comes running and kisses my belly at the most unexpected moments… In 7 weeks he’ll be able to give his little brother a real kiss too.. I’ m looking forward to see his reaction, wondering… but I’m sure it’ll turn out fine and yes, I’m wondering all over again too.. diapers, breastfeeding, fruit, veggies.. oh my.. when, where, how much… Good luck.. it was nice to read I’m not alone wondering all over again
January 9th, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
Cloth, right? Just make sure you have a big ol bag of baking soda, a box of Oxyclean, an airtight canister and a hefty washing machine.
Chas was a poop machine; about 8-10 diapers a day in the beginning? at least it seemed that much. The laundry machine was ALWAYS running!
Do you have the wool covers? Make sure you have the gusseted kind for all those blow-outs
I already know you have the husband who will help you out! (and frankly, I’m a wee jealous! Mine was a diapering DUD, between us!)
January 14th, 2009 @ 1:52 pm
my 2 girls are 19 months apart so it will be completely different for you. your son will be a helper and understand so much better!!! he is going to be a great big brother. if you nurse, try to have something special for bean to do during that time, that only gets pulled out during that time. maybe a abook you read to him or a new coloring book or drawing pad w/ watercolor pencils…whatever he is into at the time. keep a special basket that you pull down or he can run and get for those times. that was a lifesaver for me. mostly my 19 month old wanted me to read her books>
just enjoy it! it’s hard, but it’s so worth it! the bond your kids share will move you to tears!
tara
December 31st, 2009 @ 3:15 am
[...] my job. At the time I took a leave of absence, but already I knew I wouldn’t return. I was enormously pregnant, nesting, wistful, [...]