91 degrees
Posted on | August 17, 2009 | 24 Comments
We are sweltering. It is official: I hate summer.
Well, maybe that is too strong. Oh wait, no it isn’t. Not if summer means this. This 91 degrees business. This so hot my brain inside my head feels like a lump of boiled ham bumping about on a plate.
Oh you poor thing, you are thinking. Where I am it’s 110. Yeah. Well. And where you are probably has air conditioning.
Sooo. Can you tell I’m a delight today? The whole weekend has been a bit like this. One ill advised idea after another. Yesterday we decided to go camping. Sort of off the cuff. We had initially decided we wouldn’t go camping and would just go to spend the day at a lake somewhere, but then DH called some camping place and they had a teeny little cabin available for the night and we thought: cabin + 6 month old + 4 year old might be better than a tent in that same equation. But it wasn’t.
It was a cabin at one of those places where people are sandwiched in like sardines. It was by the bathrooms, and didn’t have it’s own bathroom. And it was surrounded by EIGHTH GRADERS on some vaguely organized youth group camping trip. Really. Dozens and dozens of them listening to music with the refrain “I wanna have sex with you” (I couldn’t find out who sings it. It was some very innocent sounding girlie, actually. I did discover that maybe it’s not wise to search for that phrase on the Internet.)
Evidently they were not a church group. Also, I was the only one who was noticeably snickering and/or flinching as these lyrics blasted sweetly through the campground which made me feel terribly, depressingly old. I am a prude. Who knew? But wait, it gets worse.
Once we had settled in and unpacked somewhat, we loaded up the running stroller with an ENORMOUS amount of stuff (ninety percent of which we didn’t use) to take to the beach across the road because we didn’t want to be going back and forth across the relatively busy highway for every little thing…but when we got to the beach, it was PACKED. Again with the whole sardine business. People and their kids and kayaks and fun noodles and towels and umbrellas and dogs on every square inch of sand.
So we schlepped all of our ridiculous stuff through the woods along a very bumpy rooted trail to another beach I’d seen out of the corner of my eye as we drove up, one cove over from the first beach.
Picture us please: it was 90 degrees yesterday and we’d spent the morning packing all kinds of crap and then driving, and all we had had to eat were hot peanut butter sandwiches. We wanted to swim. We were dreaming of leaping into cool lake water and parking our stuff in some nice little secluded corner where Bean could wade, and Sprout could occupy himself on the blanket, and DH and I could finally cool off, sip something refreshing…and blah blah.
Picture the stuffed cooler and the iced tea cooler and the heap of towels. Picture Sprout (who was an angel ALL DAY LONG by the way) stuffed in there too, and Bean running uncontrollably ahead, nearly slipping off the edge of the steep path in his crocs. Picture: huff puff. Swatting mosquitoes in the shade. Snapping at each other. Heave ho. And then picture this: rounding the bend we finally came to a beautiful secluded beach with pristine water and…
… at least three dozen naked old men and a few very brave naked women.
A nude beach. Fantastic.
To be clear I don’t really mind nude beaches. I’ve gone naked more than once on the beach (alright, it was France, but still.) So it’s not the naked that bothered me so much. It was just. Well.
“Are you okay with it?”
“Yeah I guess so, are you?” DH said scanning the view.
“Sure, I mean if it was France….” I let my sentence trail off.
Passing us: an old guy with a saggy paunch wearing a bright blue tank top and NO PANTS. Really, buddy? News flash: Penises, even young ones + a shirt = not that flattering. No. Not at all. Something about the way those bits dangle makes them look compromised and foolish when poking out from under a shirt.
“So, what do you think of that other beach we passed?” I finished.
The other beach was at the other end of the lake. A five minute drive, but DH agreed. It was really too much to wrap our heads around: navigating between naked folks with a bulging stroller and a questionably behaved four year old. We could already imagine his loud proclamations. “WHY ARE THEY NOT WEARING PANTS, MOMMY? WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT MOMMY?” It could go terribly wrong. Just think what we could bump into. See? It’s official. I am a prude.
So we pushed the stroller back and shoved the entire thing into the truck and drove to the other beach which was a thin strip of sand between the lake and the road. A road that seemed to be the ‘it’ place for all the locals to cruise by with their music blaring (when did I become such a grump?) But we were going to have fun, damn it. And also. It was hot.
So we situated ourselves on the only available postage stamp sized piece of sand we could find and attempted to have FUN. Fun was Bean wading out into the lake and trying to kick away from me in his inner tube despite the fact that he can’t swim, and ending with me catching him and him just as he was going under and him coming up sobbing. Fun meaning, DH breaking the buckle on my favorite belt trying to use it to open a beer while I was in the water instead of just asking me where the bottle opener was. Fun, as in: sand everywhere. And also the girl next to us was very pregnant and very young and very decidedly chain smoking.
It just about broke my heart, watching her watch us. She had this vapid depressed look on her pale face. Like it was the end of the world. Like we were everything she never wanted to be. Us, with our baby and our Tupperware of watermelon and our umbrella blowing away. Us, with Bean covered in sand and ‘accidentally’ hurling a toy that nearly took out some unsuspecting sunbathers.
Her boyfriend was blond with lots of tattoos and a soft stomach. He kept taking his shoes off and putting them back on. I heard her say, “I just can’t get comfortable,” as she took a drag on her cigarette and squirmed about on her towel, her belly round and pale, like she’d swallowed a watermelon. I kept picturing them in the middle of the night with their newborn and it was devastating. And it put things in perspective.
Because really, even though the day proved to be more disaster than not, DH summed it up perfectly when he said, “If I have to have a day like this, I’m so glad you’re here to have it with.” And really, it wasn’t that bad. Sprout was delightful the entire time, and Bean, well, he’s a rascal at 4 and a half. He had a lot of sugar and he was thrilled about the bunk beds in the cabin, and let’s just say we might have fared better had it not been 90 degrees with Eminem playing and soccer balls flying over our heads.
Still, we managed to salvage the afternoon by going back to the campsite as the sun was setting. We lightened our load significantly, bought some ice cream and then went down to the first beach we’d gone to in the morning and it was much less crowded and the water was pristine. Bean and I swam and the light was golden. DH had fun grilling sausages on the camp stove. We made a fire and roasted marshmallows. We licked our sticky fingers.
And then we drove home.
Because really, after the day we had just had, imagining a night in a tiny cabin with two tiny windows (and no screen on the door) and a double bed with a baby just sounded impossibly horrific when we could be home in our own bed in just over an hour.
Turns out, we’re not so much the car camping type. Backpackers first, DH and I both long for seclusion and nature when we camp, and the point of being in a small uncomfortable space (tent) with compromised sanitation is lost when multiple neighbors playing loud music are added to the equation. I have always loved to camp, and it’s one of the things I miss the most about summertime now that I have children.
Obviously, backpacking is out of the equation until both boys can tote their own small packs (with their own clothes/sleeping bags), but I would like to believe that car-camping can achieve a similar experience, if done right, in the right place. This apparently means massive research and planning and checking online in advance about things like nude beaches and how people define the phrase “spectacular views.”
Also, ziplocs. We forgot ziplocs.
Do you have any tips/advice/stories about camping with kids? I would love to hear your experiences and must-haves lists. Or your condolences. Or anything really. Something. Because I’m still rather traumatized and it has only just now gotten cool enough to commence breathing indoors, and heat and I apparently do not mix well.
Pictures tomorrow. 
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24 Responses to “91 degrees”
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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August 17th, 2009 @ 2:41 am
oh my….I laughed so hard….and related to this entirely….having a 4.5 year old and 6 month old….I could totally picture us in the same situation….and wanting nothing more than to make something work and realizing sometimes home is the place I want to be the most when it is all said and done. thanks for sharing!
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:50 am
The funny thing is that your 4 year old will probably remember your crazy day as tons of fun. My parents began taking us camping when my sister and I were very very young. I’ve seen a reel-to-reel film showing our big ol’ tent, me in diapers sitting on a cot (before my sis was even born), and a little chipmunk with a marshmallow–he seemed to be the star of the show. All I recall from all of those camping trips is fun fun fun.
August 17th, 2009 @ 7:37 am
You have the best sense of humor, man I love your stories, you had me in stitches! Sounds like the whole state was trying to escape the heat. We ended up at a nude beach on accident recently and I realized what a prude I was too. And then I sat while an old guy with a shirt and no pants stood and TALKED to us (including my parents) for maybe 1/2 an hour, about how the nude beach had changed since it opened to the public, and how “the clothed” or “the textiled” (I’m not joking, he used this language) had ruined it, and how we shouldn’t be there. I called him the “evangelizing nudist”.
Why don’t you try camping out by your neighbor’s pond? Or next to your house? Or in your woods but not too far in? When I was a kid we only went camping maybe once but we “slept outside” a ton of times, in different places on my parents’ land. Bathroom close by, but cooler than the house in the terrible heat of summer, and very neat to be under the stars all night.
August 17th, 2009 @ 8:06 am
I’m so glad that a) you had the lovely evening and b) that you went home!
I always hated family camping trips: they colored camping in a horror of mosquitos, rain and heat for me the rest of my life, unfortunately. Nowadays I’ll only camp if there is canoeing involved.
I agree about camping in your own “backyard” for now…our kids think it’s a total treat
Your storytelling is tops, can’t wait to see the photos and hurray for Sprout being an angel baby!
Hope it cools off soon. If not, get your butts over here and you can camp out in OUR backyard! We’ll even provide the watermelon!
August 17th, 2009 @ 8:36 am
Oh what a day. At least with such times you know you’re going to get a story out of it!
August 17th, 2009 @ 10:45 am
oy, what an experience, think you did the right thing fleeing the scene!
Maybe you could consider a small RV? Just new in that whole thing myself, but now having been exposed to that whole world… think it might be a possible option.
Most of the newer ones are actually quite amazing in terms of being able to park somewhere secluded and be self contained. (sewage, water, some power). When you are off the grid in an RV, it’s called boondocking (check google). Lots of sites that tell you where good secluded spots are. In canada all the provincial parks are great for a more secluded camping experience… so am sure there would be an equivalent in a state park?
Then depending on how long you stay away, camp every few nights at an actual campground, where there might be a pool, playground, other kids and the opportunity to dump sewage, fill up with water, charge batteries.
The beauty of the rv is you can keep that consistancy of needs going… clean bathroom for one, windows for air flow (or even airconditioning if you have noisy neighbors on a hot night)… and your own kitchen, fridge etc.
Even the smaller ones would have enough sleeping room for a family of two little kids.
August 17th, 2009 @ 11:16 am
I swear, this sounds like a chapter out of my own book! Which is why my husband threw out our camping equipment when we moved to the burbs, claiming it was ‘old’ and we’d get ‘newer’ equipment the next time, heehee. 5 years later, there hasn’t been any next times.
Lately, I’ve been dreaming of an Airstream…
August 17th, 2009 @ 12:23 pm
I second the idea of “back yard camping” — there’s something to be said for the ability to go inside, if you need to. And bathrooms. And good shelter from bad weather. And proximity if you’ve forgotten anything. It’s still a tent, outside, exciting for children without all of the hassles for parents.
I would definitely NOT camp where there’s sand. The last two times I went camping with my older daughter, there was sand involved. One was an overnight — not too bad — when she was a year old. When she was three, we went on a 3 night camping trip to a state park in the sand dunes of Western Michigan. Sand. Mosquitoes. Thunderstorms off the lake. Not my bag.
Husband takes our two girls camping every year. Prissiness must be genetically dominant, because my daughters have their requirements: has to have a bathroom, has to have a POOL (not a natural body of water). After last year’s debacle of thunderstorms and raccoons fighting over a loaf of bread and *slamming into the side of their tent* in the middle of the night, they added a new requirement: CABIN.
They stayed in an air-conditioned cabin with a frig and microwave. They ran an extension cord out to the campfire so that they could watch Twilight before bed.
I know that this is NOT camping — which I why I almost was tempted to go with them.
August 17th, 2009 @ 1:09 pm
Hoo boy do I agree – sometimes you have to cut your losses and just go home. I’ve so been there. I don’t even have kids and I hate the types of campgrounds you described, but I’m a car camper. Down here its the blasted RVs. So, I ask people I know for recommendations and try do a drive through on my own before planning to camp. Even then, I ask (1) how big and/or private are the sites and (2) will I be listening to generators all night as the RVers watch their satellite TV in air conditioning. Tent camping and RVing should never be done in the same grounds, in my opinion.
August 17th, 2009 @ 1:49 pm
We took our son camping once he was 9 months old (maybe?) in a tent. We were with friends who also had a baby a month younger. We had the site for two nights. We stayed for one.
Then we went cabin camping the next year when our son was 18 months old (maybe?). It was a cabin like you described minus the thumping music and crowds. We stayed one night as well on purpose. We were as pooped out as if we had camped in a tent.
This is what we learned: We decided not to camp again, for a while. Our oldest is four and the baby is one year right now. It will probably be 2-3 years before we attempt a true camping trip again!
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:22 pm
Oh my. Glad some fun was to be had after all.
Research is indeed key, and if your schedules allow it, try to go during the week. Especially now that school has started, the good campgrounds will be calmer & less packed. My husband would definitely prefer backpacking but I personally am all about toilets and running water! So weekday car camping is our best bet for a fun time w/a four year old and 5 month old – though we haven’t gone yet this year! Hoping to do so in Sept – it is indeed much hotter than 91 here in the Ozarks often in Aug.
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:40 pm
Okay, as mostly not-fun as this day sounded, this entry amused me immensely, mostly because this is the first time you’ve written from the POV that most of us seem to have day-to-day! I feel like this is what the majority of my blog entries sound like.
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:59 pm
My husband’s family camped all the time when he was young. My family did NOT. I loved going camping when I was in junior high with my friend’s family. Loved it. Then, in High School, I switched teams. I would go “camping” with Tomzgrrl’s kids. But not for a full week or anything.
I remember days like you had, not in the same context, but in the same state of “one thing after another-ness.” Good call going home, but I am glad you went because this was a great laugh-out-loud story.
PS. I am wishing for you that you had some AC there. I couldn’t bear our weather without it!
August 17th, 2009 @ 6:13 pm
Yeah, I hear ya. 103 degrees and a campsite right on the highway. No kidding. We had to yell to communicate. And the hours and hours of packing and preparation. For this?! I borrowed a friends little kids’ tent for Josie to sleep in. To keep her contained. The little tent didn’t have a zipper — just velcro. Are you kidding? What’s the point? She, of course, would just get up and wander around. Freedom! I had to hold her down to get her to go to sleep. We only got about 4 hours of sleep. It was hot. Miserable. Right before we left Josie, exhausted, overwhelmed, bit our friend’s daughter on the foot. Good times.
Last year we took Josie for an overnight on the boat. Even worse. Hot. Anchored. It was like camping only not being able to leave your tent. And the boat was really small and cramped. When we got to the beach she nearly choked on a tiny shell. Everything in the mouth. Miserable. She didn’t sleep. We didn’t sleep.
I miss being adventurous also. I used to think I would just bring the kids along. Not so much. I guess I feel the need to be adventurous once a summer. Then I get over it and realize maybe it’s worth waiting a few years.
The nude beach was a nice touch.
August 17th, 2009 @ 6:16 pm
oh this made me laugh so hard! i could just imagine porter at a nude beach!
you are very brave. i usually don’t attempt much in summer besides an air conditioned mall or outside with the sprinkler on me and the kids. i really don’t like the heat (hence the arguments about moving back to SAVANNAH of all hot places). I really like camping though, and I hope to try it in the fall when it cools here. maybe we will try it in the backyard and see how cranky the kids get first. great story.
August 18th, 2009 @ 1:37 am
Hahahaha! We recently tried “camping” with our 15 month old. Borrowed my mother’s small RV. We MIGHT do it again, maybe, someday. The 15 month old got great joy out of eating gravel, running around the RV, and rushing towards the campfire. He was so excited, he wouldn’t sleep. My husband finally had to pin him down (it was probably about 10 p.m. at that point) and force him to chill out. At that point, we were exhausted too, so we gave up and called it a night. I don’t think that either of us got much sleep, and of course, the baby was up at 5:30 a.m.! Delightful!
I was glad to be able to lock myself into the RV, away from the Virginia bears, bats, raccoons, and other wildlife.
And yes – there were a lot of people around. Lots of campsites. Luckily no teenagers with really loud music.
We had packed up and were on our way out of the campsite by 9:00 a.m.
August 18th, 2009 @ 11:59 am
The nude beach was so perfect, as if someone had planned it specifically to tip the story from aggravating to hilarious! I can certainly imagine the discomfort (really, living in Europe, I CAN).
As for camping with kids… I almost feel like I know something on the subject now after crossing seven countries with two very small children and one very small tent. Here are the little things I’ve learned that have helped our time go (relatively) smoothly:
~ Try, if at all possible, to get a campsite near the bathrooms
~ Bring plenty of paper towels and plastic bags
~ Smile at the annoying teenagers who belt out rap music next to your tent; either they turn the annoyingness down a notch out of courtesy, or you (um, I) realize that teenagers aren’t so awful after all
~ Get clothes for the next day ready the night before and keep them handy in the tent (Very appreciated when your 4-year-old wakes you up at the crack of dawn in the rain begging to go potty)
~ Plan one-pot meals and use disposable dishes
~ And finally — something my husband does much, much better than I do — be flexible. Things like getting caught in a downpour, running out of gas, and spilling dinner all over the ground can actually be pretty fun for kids if their parents bring some humor and creativity to the situation.
Unfortunately, I can’t sympathize with the heat aspect, as we have been shivering in our one-pair-each of long-sleeves since driving north of Milan. (Who would expect 45 degree drizzle in August? Not us, obviously!) Sweaty, sticky, heatstrokey camping is never fun, but I hope you’re not too traumatized to try it again soon.
August 18th, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
Summer is my least favorite season–hot, humid, sticky. And I remember these days–both as a child and as a parent. My grandmother used to love to cook breakfast at the beach. So we would get up in the dark and head in that direction. Ugh! To this day, I hate eating in the sand.
BTW, I love your new format and enjoyed visiting the blog with the magazine tear-outs. The pages I’ve torn out are taped all over the glass-framed pictures on one wall of my study. For a while, I used a journal too. Trying to capture the feel of the “book” in The English Patient.
August 18th, 2009 @ 3:37 pm
oyyyyyy!! naked beach does NOT sound FUN>!!!!!
esp. with old nakee men LOL!
the only time we went camping, in my brothers camper, ava was 1 and savannah was 2.5 and she kept running to the Lake by herself to wash her nuk off and it was across a small road! scared me to death! and sand in the camper, not my idea of fun!! it was Lake Superior too, so HUGE!
I would do some research online about places to go!
where do you live?!
tara
August 18th, 2009 @ 4:37 pm
Gotta love those family trips that are supposed to be so much fun, but are just a huge hassle.
Car camping is not my favorite thing either. Day trips are our thing for now, hiking all day, or playing in the lake or river, then home to bathrooms & showers & beds. Like you, we’ll wait a few years until we can go backpacking again. I don’t get the point of car camping/sleeping in a tent just to sleep in a tent. I’d rather let my girls sleep outside in our backyard & I’ll be just inside my patio door in my own bed.
August 18th, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
I think camping is more enjoyable when another family comes along, and also when the under three crowd doesn’t sleep over. Fortunately we live in the foothills of a canyon so it’s easy for the littles to come home and then return for breakfast.
Foam, cots, or air matresses are highly recommended.
August 18th, 2009 @ 10:24 pm
Oh! … please … don’t forget to spare us any images of dangling bits you might have felt compelled to snap …
August 19th, 2009 @ 3:11 am
I couldn’t stop laughing!!!!! Thank you for telling that story!! NO ADVICE from me. I live at the beach–we live on a boat & visit the beach at our marina daily & the island beach frequently and I don’t even take both boys to the beach at the same time. A 16 month-old just isn’t clear about not putting sand, shells, stones in his mouth ad a 3 1/2 year-old isn’t cool with not playing with Mama at the beach. My parents however took us camping from the time I was 2 and my brother was 3 weeks old. No kidding & we camped all the time. Don’t know how they did it! I want to camp with my boys because of my great memories but I don’t know when that’ll happen. (HEY, by the way, Caladesi Island was voted America’s #1 beach & it’s right across from the marina where we’re docked–check it out! http://www.floridastateparks.org/CaladesiIsland/)
August 21st, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
See, I would be BEYOND GRUMPY w/out air conditioning. We just have to have it here – and to hear my parents talk about how they used to go to SCHOOL with no air conditioning? It’s just not an option here.
When we camp…and it’s been a super long time…it’s in campers or RVs. I know, it’s not REALLY camping.
The pictures are gorgeous, though, and you and DH are to be commended for “making it work” – Bean does look truly thrilled in his bunk bed!