23 Responses to “Little Boys”

1. Beth in WI
   September 4th, 2009 @ 2:31 am

   Some battles are just not worth loosing sleep over. Many things (a missed tooth brushing occasionally) are “no-biggie” in the grand scheme of things. Boys will be boys – so set him free to pretend, explore and hang from trees. One day, you will miss every moment of it! I took my “little boy” to college this past Saturday and I long for the chaos and loudness!
   I love the treehouse idea! I had one as a little girl. But I guess my stance is that a treehouse is supposed to be “rustic” and imperfect. Just my opinion. Hope you can find balance! Good luck!

2. beck
   September 4th, 2009 @ 4:25 am

   I have a girl and some of your battles sound a lot like mine… so I have no idea!
   Re: treehouses you’ve got to have a retractable rope ladder a la Calvin and Hobbes (I think?)

3. Jennifer
   September 4th, 2009 @ 12:03 pm

   I’m right there with you with the little boys. It’s part of why we moved to the farm – they need space to be wild. I’m just letting them express their boy-selves – because for all I know, they would have these same crazy loud selves in girl bodies too. My younger goes through life like a Humvee, and I’m slowly learning not to let it turn my hair grey. Try to find the joy in their crazy all-after-burner-no-rudder approach to life.

   Last winter we started hockey with my older – then 3.5, now 4.5 – and although there were some tears and I’m too tireds and I don’t want to goes, he’s told me several times already that he wants hockey again this winter. I found the expectations of an organized sporting thing placed on him by somebody other than me (but don’t get me wrong, they were gentle and understanding of the little ones he needed a break or just wanted mama) gave him someplace to put his energy and also introduced him to the idea of channeling his energy even if he couldn’t always pull it off. Very long way of saying team sports rock for little boys! (I’m guessing for girls, too. Sports were a huge part of my life).

   Naps. Dang, when you figure that one out, let me know. He won’t sleep, but I have managed to introduce the idea of still time in the afternoon, ideally with a picture book (some of the Richard Scarey ones are awesome) but in a far less perfect world he’s allowed a little TV.

   Tooth brushing – do you have fillings? I do and I show them to my little guy and say that’s what happens when the little bugs in your mouth eat a little hole in your tooth and you have such beautiful beautiful teeth I’d hate for that to happen to you. Let’s get rid of those darn mouth bugs! It generally works. Heck, it sounds like if you pretend the toothbrush is a crocodile hunting for mouth bug food Bean might go for it.

   Rope ladder! Awesome idea.

4. melissa
   September 4th, 2009 @ 12:35 pm

   Naps…DS1 napped beautifully for three hours a day until I stopped him at age 4.5 (and would have probably napped well into Kindergarten if I would have let him). And then DS2 came along. Strongly opinionated. And definitely not a napper by age 2 (or even as a baby, if I remember). Although, he needed it as well and would become a “Wild Thing” in the hours leading up to bedtime. My saving grace was our big brown couch that we bought two years ago. He fell in love with it. And, after lunchtime would lay quietly and watch some cartoons with his blankie. Not a nap, really, but a rest, which is what he (and I) needed to get through the rest of the day.

   Toothbrushing is still a battle here too. I let him brush his teeth first. And then I have “my turn”. Oh, I started that out with DS1, now that I remember. I let him brush my teeth first (silly, with toothpaste everywhere…funny how you start to forget those little moments). And then I got a turn to brush his.

5. Molly
   September 4th, 2009 @ 12:42 pm

   I am not a parent yet, but it’s on our close-future-horizon, and every time I think about having kids with this guy, I get nervous, considering his childhood, his brother’s childhood, and his adorable nephews (who are the reason I want to have children sooner than I expected). The best thing I can say about Sue, my mother-in-law, is how insanely patient she is–and her daughter, Megan, who has those two little boys herself is equally patient. They tell stories about the disasters with a smile, even moments after they happen. I’m nervous about things–my bookcases, most specifically, and the destruction that they might bring with them. But our giant dog Zephyr is a destructor, and my love for him trumps my love for those four pairs of shoes I stupidly left lying about. I’m not saying yours are destructive at all, or that taking things apart and climbing the garage roof are bad things entirely–but it’s that good air in, bad air out thing I know I’ll have to get a handle on. And I love that you live somewhere with such open spaces–they’re going to love that you gave them that. And treehouses? I didn’t have one either, though we pretended plenty with forts and whatnot. I can only think as a potential parent–sturdy! And letting that space belong to them.

6. Kimberly
   September 4th, 2009 @ 12:49 pm

   When I was a kid, my best friend was a little boy named Brett who lived one house down. We were the only kids on the little dead end street (until our younger sisters came along). We didn’t have any trees in either of our yards adequate for a tree house. So his dad built us a little one room “boogle” house up on stilts. It had 4 window openings with shutters on them and a rope ladder that came up in the middle of the floor. It was called The Boogle House due to this book – http://www.amazon.com/Why-I-Built-Boogle-House/dp/B000NZ38QA
   - which Brett loved. Anyway, to me and Brett, it was the swiss family robinson house, or sometimes a fort to defend against indians, or a castle, or just a place to get away from little sisters. We never saw it in it’s reality. All that mattered to us was that it was our space. A perfect treehouse is whatever your son will imagine it to be each time he’s in it.

7. Christina
   September 4th, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

   Boys… I am reading a book that is great, I have enjoyed it immensely and wished I had it for when he was just a wee tot. It is called It’s a boy. Basically it gives you an idea about the inner workings of boys from birth to age 18. The teenage stuff scares the crap out of me but I will tackle that when it comes many many years from now.

   I used to be fearful of my son but I am coming to terms with the differences and I love that he is teaching me a whole new world that I never knew before having a son.

   Teeth brushing does get easier, I promise. Some days it is okay to skip it but mostly like the person who posted – we show our fillings and say if you do not brush and floss that will happen and OY does it hurt. If you make a production out of it, he will listen. We ‘helped’ a lot too.

   Make sure he gets his sleep. Boys without sleep are like bears without honey (Ha I kid of course but it sounded so nice Ah, even if it means saying this is quiet time in your room with the shades drawn and the lights off. Give him a doodle pro or etch a sketch to play with if he not going to give into sleeping. Our four year old last year surprised the heck out of us – he liked to sit quietly and listen to CD stories. Basically books on CD for kids. We would pop those in and he would sit sucking his thumb for an hour. It was lovely!

   Whisper to him. It throws our four year old off when we do this. Rather then getting mad we whisper to him. He is so surprised by this he will do anything we ask, for the most part!

   Get him busy and keep him busy all day long. Physical activity seems to be the best and only thing that keeps our son occupied and happy. Riding his bike/scooter, running, building, digging in the sandbox, doing hard labor on yard projects with Daddy.

   Find his passion – cars, trucks, sandboxes, dolls… whatever and go with it. Explore every aspect of that thing he digs.

   If all else fails find the Barnes and Noble (or the best book store in town) with a train table, buy yourself some cofee and let him read and play with the train table.

8. Sarah
   September 4th, 2009 @ 2:15 pm

   Tree houses… I grew up in the wilderness and loved making tree forts with my sisters. They were never more than platforms about three feet off the ground, but building them was the whole point, since shortly after they were constructed, we were hard pressed to come up with things to do with them. The following summer we’d inevitably find another group of trees that would suit our needs that season. My dad built a heavy duty tree house once (fixed ladder, small window, railroad tie base, might’ve been shingled, too,) and it was great fun for awhile. I agree with some of the other posts- your boy will make what he wants of it, whatever he is imagining at that time!

9. Cynth
   September 4th, 2009 @ 3:51 pm

   I love reading what you guys have been up to!

   I think tree houses should be lopsided, imperfect, and largely built with what you’ve got on hand. Which made me think about what kind of treehouse W. would build- and whether he’d be able to go with a less finished, imperfect one.

   Apparently he has very strong ideas about this- his vote is for organic, build as you go- with ladders, ropes, swings, lookouts, and something to keep the rain off. So there you go again, inspiring conversations about things I wouldn’t have thought to ask about!

10. Mark
    September 4th, 2009 @ 4:03 pm

    As a now (big), little boy, I must tell you that two stories, a ladder, and a secret tunnel are a must.

    Also critical is some sort of a “zipper.” (I don’t remember the actual term.) That is strong rope/wire, with a pulley and handle bars that can be used to zip from the tree house a minimum of 50ft to another tree & ground.

    xo,
    Mark

11. tara pollard pakosta
    September 4th, 2009 @ 4:28 pm

    I grew up climbing trees too and always had sap on my hands and scrapes everywhere. We built a tree house, with boards to get up to it and one big platform board with an old rug on it. that was our house and we were happy with it! But I can see wanting a roof on it, wouldn’t it be cool to be up in it when it’s a nice soft rain?!
    oh and my girls area always throwing fits over what to wear, I would just give two choices and that’s it. The thing that has been helping lately is to lay out some outfits the night before. It also helps that my girls dont’ have very many clothes because we just went through and gave away whatever they wouldn’t wear.
    My girls are strongly opinionated too. I mean they think they are adults! it’s crazy, but i do love that they have a mind of their own>! tara

12. alexis
    September 4th, 2009 @ 5:40 pm

    great to read, as I am due with our first boy in October. And coming from a family of girls I already feel clueless about boys! something inside me says boys will be boys, and just let them be wild, we’ll see how that plays out!

13. Megsie
    September 4th, 2009 @ 6:50 pm

    I have one boy and two girls, one of which is his twin. He does do the girl thing: Barbies, dolls, coloring… but he does it with a boy flair. It works sometimes, other times, not so much. If you find a primer you like please let me know.

    I still make my twins (5) and my 8-yr-old nap when they are tired and ornery. I just threaten them…if you don’t sleep… and they sleep. When they wake up they are different kids. I never “gave up” the nap time, so it was never a question. My oldest doesn’t usually sleep (unless I make her) but she is in her room doing something quiet. The other two have just started in the quiet time thing, although we still call it “nap” time.

    Those tree houses are fantastic. I never had one, and we have talked about building one in our tree in our backyard. But, we have the same issues. I think a platform with some boards around it so they don’t fall out are all you need. My husband wants to have it all. He was researching it and then decided that it might “hurt the tree” which we don’t really like anyway. That got him off the hook. I still think it would be fun to have one though.

14. ~Kristina
    September 4th, 2009 @ 8:25 pm

    As mamma of a boy (he’s 5) here are a few things that have worked for us: teeth have sugarbugs that nest, brushing keeps them away; many things are a game/race, getting into jammies he and i will see who gets done first, tidying up toys, cleaning up after dinner, etc.; we laugh at just about everything we do; we make time to snuggle up usually to read a book or catch a show.
    Above all, know that you are not alone in raising one.

15. summer
    September 4th, 2009 @ 8:53 pm

    your description of Bean could be repeated verbatim in describing my eldest daughter…interesting…
    I just found a tooth brush that lights up and she’s enamored with it. We turn the light out and she brushes in the dark…it flashes for as long as she’s supposed to brush so that battle has disappeared. She does not nap but most days has a quiet time with books, our only rule is that she stay in her room for an hour ~ she can pretty much do anything with that hour she wants but this has meant we upped her bed time to 6:30, she’s usually asleep by 7 and then sleeps until 7…we were just finding that she is a mess in the evenings without naps so we lost our evenings, for now anyway.
    I had two tree houses growing up…both very rugged left over wood from projects and both had a hole in them to let down a bucket on a rope for bringing all our treasures into the tree house.
    Good luck…my SIL is raising 4 boys and she has found that the more time they get playing outside together (and as your little one gets older this will become infinitely easier I think)the more focused and calm they are inside.

16. Andie
    September 4th, 2009 @ 10:11 pm

    I “get” my three boys more than I get my daughter. I don’t know why, I’m sure there is some therapy work needed in that statement. Anyway, this summer 2 out of my 3 broke their arms. Ok let me restate that. 1 boy broke his arm jumping on our trampoline (you should get one, really it helps with the energy) and the 2nd son broke both his arms (yes, both) falling out of our tree. We visit the ER a lot.

    All naps stopped when they hit 4ish. Cranky as hell for the first month or so but then their body and mood adjusts. Just hang in there.

    The tree house…put padding on the ground underneath. That is all.
    
    a.

17. Sara
    September 5th, 2009 @ 2:19 am

    Hi! I am loving this post! I have 3 boys!….they are wild little creatures I tell you! Good luck with your tree fort, I’m sure your boy will love it no matter what! A house up in a tree to call all his own?……now that’s a boys dream come true! Good luck to you, and happy September!
    Sara

18. Katie
    September 5th, 2009 @ 3:10 am

    I let Jack pick out whatever he wants to wear, only exception being if it is rainy he must have proper pants on. He knows by now that not wearing pants in the rain is a bummer-rain gets into gum boots = wet feet.
    Tooth brushing, Jack (and Syl for that matter) brush there own teeth. We make no big deal of it at all and I never tell them they are doing it wrong. Most of the time they do a decent job, some nights, not so much. They go to the dentist regularly and seem to be doing good.
    Nap time, Jack STILL gets so tired in the afternoon and usually conks out for an hour or so lately (summer days). he does it on the couch in the afternoon while watching a library show or listening to a book on tape. I don’t call it a nap and he refuses to admit he ever fell asleep. Quiet time is the name of the game
    Sylvia is a stubborn little being, but I do think my little boy has a whole other sort of stubborn going on.
    Good luck!

19. John Whiting
    September 5th, 2009 @ 5:02 pm

    Christina,

    You asked: What are the top five most important things I should know/learn about parenting little boys?

    I don’t know about five of them, but one important thing to be aware of is testosterone. Not for the fact that it makes for muscle mass and hairy bodies, but for the little known fact that it tends to focus one’s attention externally, outside of the body. It also leads to feelings of wanting to control something externally – hence the building of something and then destroying it as in block towers. This happens for little boys and older ones (including men). It happens so well and throughout one’s lifetime in such a smooth and efficient way that most people are not aware that it is even happening (or that it has). There is no way to stifle the testosterone response, but there are ways of using it to your advantage. It depends on how a situation is presented to the males. If a situation is presented that allows or even encourages them to Do something, odds are that they will pick up on it as if it were their own idea.

    To get boys to be quiet at times introduce the concept of quiet time, a place or time where the task is to use one’s quiet voice. Conversely there also has to be a counter time for loud and outgoing. This is a great built in tool for learning about self control, social expectations and how to get along with others, but it has to be presented well so that the young man can learn easily and well.

    Usually trying to reason with them fails, as does the idea of modifying their behavior to suit others. The brain’s ability to understand reason does not develop until about seven years of age. Trying to reason too early will be interpreted as a control issue.

    This leads to the female counterpart to testosterone, – oxytocin. Physiology will tell us that oxytocin is responsible for lactation and generating tremendous feelings of bonding or group cohesion. Little boys do not have enough of this hormone to cause much behavioral difference, but the testosterone even at prepuberty levels is very powerful. Little girls easily want to be group oriented and to please others, much of this is based on wanting to be part of the group and be accepted.

    Note that trying to reason with your young son may result in resistance, but feeding him the idea of something that would result in a behavior that you would like magically seems to be grasped as his idea and its off to the races. Do not try to use female hormone based ideas to maneuver him, he will find ways to resist and eventually the overall idea of being usurped and overridden will loom large in his mind.

    Some of the responses that people have offered are very clever and it appears that the people who have written them have chanced upon this fact on their own.

    Write back if you have any further questions.

    John Whiting, Psy.D.

20. tanya
    September 6th, 2009 @ 1:38 am

    Naps – he doesn’t take them either … BUT I make him have quiet time after lunch – he must lay down for an hour and watch a movie, or shows on TV. He is still a bear at about 4 pm. I have to make dinner for them at 4:30 because they get so cranky and won’t eat past that point.
    Teeth – I told him he will get “boo-boos” on his teeth if he doesn’t brush. That was enough to make him do it morning and night when asked. The kid has my vanity.
    Tree houses – never had one … afraid of heights!! But I had lots of forts outside made from anything we could find in the woods, the garage, anything that wasn’t held down we leaned against a tree and it became OURS! oh I miss that so much. Enjoy this time.

21. Roxanne
    September 7th, 2009 @ 4:16 am

    I started blogging after I had my little boy – it was my outlet and transition from full time in the studio to NO time in the studio. He’s taught me so much since then.

    He never slept until he was almost two – simply awake.. then teething.. It was a crash course in being a new mom and being a mom of a boy. He eventually started napping and now I notice such a positive difference on days when he gets lots of manual labor, chasing, dancing and laughing – and the days when we’re more quiet.

    He loves manual labor, digging, piling dirt in his little Radio Flyer wheelbarrow. Filling buckets up with water, dumping throwing, pounding all the visuals that come to mind when I hear ‘boys willl be boys!’

    We’re planning a freestanding tower playhouse (no good trees for building on in AZ) but a few things on the list to include are: zip cord, secret passage, safe/treasure chest, bucket pulley, ladder, water balloon launcher and lots of sand underneath for falling on.

    There are lots of great sites for inspiration, here are a couple we found: http://www.treehouseworkshop.com/index.html
    http://www.danielswoodland.com/tree_houses/index.php

22. Nina
    September 7th, 2009 @ 2:11 pm

    We LOVE treehouses — even my girl! Building one is in our future. We even fantasize about living in one after seeing a book at B&N about treehouses around the world.

    As for boy advice — I think you’ve got it down. I have two boys and one girl, and they are so wonderfully different. No doubt your two boys have differences that you celebrate! My toughest task is finding the balance to somehow give all of them what they need, like “differential learning” in teacher’s terms.

    Have you read the novel Everyone is Beautiful by Katherine Center? So much fun! The main character is mama to three boys. Hysterical and sweet. I think you’ll relate, I sure did!

23. Sam
    September 8th, 2009 @ 12:42 am

    Oh, a treehouse! Lucky duck Bean…I had a treehouse that my grandpa built for us…it was just wooden boards nailed to the trunk for us to climb, and then a platform up in the branches. Very basic. I would climb up there in high school, take my Walkman, and lay on the platform, watching the leaves while I listened to music. Maybe you and DH can pull up some photos of treehouses and meet in the middle?

    As for raising boys advice, obviously I am a newbie. I know nothing yet, but I delight in my boy. He is loud, somewhat destructive, and active. I wish to goodness I could open up my backdoor and let him run off his energy in a big backyard…but alas, apartment living does not allow this. I am SO glad the weather is getting better here and plan to spend much time in the fall on the playground! Hey, when did y’all get Bean his bike? Thomas is lusting after one, I’m pretty sure…

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