Saying Yes
Posted on | July 16, 2010 | 21 Comments
The summer rain is falling slantwise against the open window glass. The sills are damp, the view a duotone of green and grey: foliage and clouds. In my new studio the window looks out on an apple tree, Norway beeches, and beyond the cloud cover, the mountains not so very far off. I’ve spent most of the morning here, working, and I love this new space so very much. I love how I can move from painting to words and back; how the book is taking shape now more quickly, my ideas knitting together from one day to the next. It’s happening.
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Now for the news:
I will be going to graduate school full time, starting at the end of August.
It’s an MFA in Emergent Media (web and graphic design combined with the technologies and storytelling mediums that are emerging from the future.) It’s an opportunity for me to be at the forefront of field that is new and growing; and to shape a new career that is lucrative, creative, and complementary to what I already do. This has been in the works for a while…this shift…but I’ve said very little about it here because I didn’t want to jinx, or speak too soon. Last year, doing part time work, discovered how much I was into this field; how I naturally had an eye for color and design, and for shaping a vision, or ad campaign.
It took me awhile to give myself permission to consider perusing a new career; a financially viable career; a fast-pasted, demanding career. (I’ve shared before how it has taken me a long time to shake off my father’s altruistic expectations for me as a teacher. Whew. What a process!) It also took me awhile to dream up a career that would complement writing, maybe even sustain it, instead of detracting from it (as teaching has always done.)
So I’m in. I’m going.
Of course it is terrifying. Programming languages + me? Ha. Virtual worlds? Video editing? Pure crazy.
But I have never backed down because something is hard. And this is exciting-hard. It’s thrilling.
I’ve written so much about the endless tug-of-war that goes on in my head about being a mother and being more than a mother. About being an creator in my own right; a writer, an artist, a shaper of my own financial future. And about being a mother who gets down on the floor with her boys every single day: plays legos, wrestles, builds things, paints, reads stories, bakes bread. Of course I’m torn. When making this decision I thought of my boys in 18 years from now. I asked their future selves what they would think if I went for this, or didn’t. I asked them what they would resent more: me super busy through two years of their childhoods, or me unfulfilled and holding that resentment deeply.
The answer seemed clear.
They offered me really generous funding and I had to say yes or no within twenty-four hours (I applied late in the game, after deadline) and everything was topsy-turvy yesterday and the day before, deciding. T and I stayed up late, late, whispering about our futures and looking at calendars and daily schedules that seemed impossible to navigate. And then my inlaws and friends joined forces to say: we want this for you. We’ll make this happen with you. (They are amazing.)
So I said yes.
I can’t believe where this year has taken me; us. It’s astounding. And awesome.
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21 Responses to “Saying Yes”
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I am Christina Rosalie
Hello. I'm so happy you've stopped by!
I am a multimedia storyteller, digital strategist, idea starter, stalker of wonder, finder of four leaf clovers, MFA graduate student, and mama of boys. My first book,
will be published by SKIRT! Books in September, 2012.
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July 16th, 2010 @ 4:05 pm
Yay!!!!! That’s awesome. Congratulations. As always you continue to inspire me. On even my best days I only hope to be half as brave as you are, and I love how you’re always pushing yourself despite your fears. You’re going to continue to do great things, and I’m so glad I get to watch.
July 16th, 2010 @ 6:21 pm
Congratulations on the leap you’re taking. How exciting for you. You’ve given me things to think about…
July 16th, 2010 @ 7:45 pm
just got goosebumps reading this! CONGRATS & GOOD LUCK!!!
July 16th, 2010 @ 9:15 pm
wow. wow. wow. blessings on you all.
July 16th, 2010 @ 10:19 pm
What an exciting time, congrats on the new direction.
July 16th, 2010 @ 10:46 pm
Congratulations!
July 16th, 2010 @ 10:47 pm
Oh, my goodness! How exciting!!! Can I say that I am so jealous that you get to go to school? I LOVE going to school. I only wish it was free, or that they could PAY ME. This master’s program seems like it was written just for you, it is perfect. It will be hard being stretched between motherhood, classes, homework, writing a frickin’ book, and of course your daily blogging duties (HAHAHA) but YOU CAN DO IT! This is what saying yes is all about! Congratulations Christina! I am so very happy for you! What a year!
July 16th, 2010 @ 11:19 pm
what an amazing opportunity! and how lucky you are that it is all falling into place, I’m so happy for you, I hope it brings you everything you dream.
Congratulations!!!
July 16th, 2010 @ 11:25 pm
I have this same feeling of being torn between the need to work, both to bring in income, and to maintain some sense of individual identity, and the constant pull of being a mother, and missing my daughter terribly, knowing that she misses me too.There is still the ongoing issue of arranging childcare.
I went back to school when she was under a year old, first online, and then in person as she got old enough to attend the toddler school at the child development center at SRJC. Still wrestling with the guilt, and balancing duties, juggling time. It was difficult but I was highly motivated, and completed my studies this spring, with high honors. You can do it, and whispers of a better life must be tugging at your heart in order for you to be making these difficult choices. Listen to your heart, and don’t let your head get in the way. So proud of you and all that you are doing! Lots of love.
July 16th, 2010 @ 11:27 pm
O-M-G!!! Congratulations!!! A very accomplished friend shared this thought with me: “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” Busy people–people with schedules & demands & deadlines & lists GET THINGS DONE and you will too. How wonderful to have such support. It sounds like that was a critical component to making this plan work. As Jamison would say, “I’m super-duper-muper-schmuper happy for you!”
July 17th, 2010 @ 3:44 am
Must talk sooooooon! I knew there was something more cooking…. There you go again, inspiring us all.
And BTW, I’m completely envious at every description of your studio. It sounds delightful!
July 17th, 2010 @ 8:27 am
you are my hero!!! so fantastic!!!
and your boys (and their wives) will think the same when they are grown.
July 17th, 2010 @ 10:37 am
We’re very excited for all of the wonderful things brewing in your lives. Often from trials and tribulations come great things…as it has for you all. We love you guys and hope to catch up soon! xoxo
July 17th, 2010 @ 1:02 pm
Of course you said yes. You’re going where life is taking you, and it’s a GOOD place!
July 17th, 2010 @ 9:22 pm
Outstanding news! Congratulations on this new journey…can’t wait to see where you go!
July 18th, 2010 @ 5:56 pm
In the last 20 years or so, it seems we’ve been conditioned to believe that a “healthy” family is one where life revolves entirely around entertaining, engaging, educating, and intellectually stimulating the children. I don’t think this is healthy at all, for kids or adults. I think a healthy family is one where everyone’s needs are balanced against each others, where family members recognize that everyone works together for the family as a whole, and that sacrifice and compromise are part of that process. Your family will struggle with the changes, it won’t be easy, but you’ll all learn what it means to support one another, to work towards a goal. Your growth will feed theirs and in the end, your family can emerge from this stronger, and your children will know the meaning of perseverance.
July 19th, 2010 @ 8:44 am
Congratulations, what wonderful news. How thrilling, it sounds like a fascinating course, and one that will be just perfect for you, albeit, I’m sure, very challenging at times. Am so sure that your boys and your family will be 100% behind you and thrilled for you. Yes, there will be times when you are likely to feel stretched, but in this too, there is a lesson, an opportunity to show them how to live life to the fullest, to be graceful under pressure and to manage yourself and your commitments – all valuable examples for them as they grow up into young men and face exactly the same pulls and dilemmas. Best of luck to you in your studies.
July 19th, 2010 @ 9:51 pm
[...] comments on my last post really filled me up. I want you to know that. Each one brought new perspective, [...]
July 20th, 2010 @ 12:50 am
Huge Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!
July 21st, 2010 @ 11:57 am
Thrilling! And unquestionably the right decision.
July 21st, 2010 @ 5:10 pm
Love this piece and so happy for you.